I started this last night, sorry to leave you hanging but I was just to tired to keep my thoughts in tact. If you can remember one my last blogs : Where did I go wrong", this is a bit of a continuation there of. I may mention things that were said to me. though I can't remember by whom and only love is intended as no on said anything to me that wasn't true. One question asked of me was "how do we get through the excuses. I was told I have the answer to that. I've learned that it is by acceptance. I can grasp that and I will tell you how that hit home in a minute.
Someone said self discipline=self esteem. True as that may be, I disagree. I believe acceptance breeds self esteem. something I don't have much of. Someone said you have to start to go somewhere...I'm ready for that. in little chunks until all I've learned is working for me and with me.
How I've learned this, by my 31 year old daughter who so lovingly pointed out my self esteem issues. You see, she goes to AA daily and is in an outpatient alcohol treatment program. Yesterday I asked her to share with me self esteem when she learns it in AA. Fortunately that is exactly where she was in the program. We got into a lengthy talk about self esteem and the end result of all that was that I need to take time to take care of myself (quit smoking)so that I am here to take care of others. It's not that I don't know these things, its that I didn't know how to accomplish them. To hear my own daughter show me where I lack self esteem really hit the ball home.
Then came acceptance. One must accept their shortcomings and forgive themselves. One must accept themselves for who they are, not for who they think they should be. It's all so very simple really. After our little talk, we hugged hard and I cried my eyes out. Who would have thought that my "troubled daughter" would have the answers I needed.
Any hoo, I can accept myself for who I am and I can certainly practice putting myself first. What's it all got to do with quitting smoking? Everything! I must love myself in order to love others and accept that as my truth. When I accept all that, there are no more excuses. I will set a date real soon. I'm going into practice mode for a bit, weaning off so to speak and being vigilant about reading, studying and learning more about addiction first hand from my daughter. And there you have it. By acceptance I'm working on a new me.