I mentioned in a previous post how I am pretty easily handling the few actual cravings I have for a cigarette at almost 7 weeks quit. By contrast though the MEMORY of smoking and all the ASSOCIATIONS tied to it continue to cloud my mind and drive me to distraction. Someone asked me to write more on the juxtaposition of those two opposing forces I'm dealing with after having quit.
I don't miss the cigarette itself, I miss the FEELING I remember having while smoking one on my porch on a beautiful day. Sitting in the same spot, on the same day without it is just not enjoyable.
I don't miss the cigarette itself, I miss the routine of alternating between drawing in the smoke and sipping that first cup of coffee in the morning. The coffee by itself just isn't the same.
While not desiring a cigarette I miss the feelings of satisfaction, perceived peace and relaxation I don't seem to be getting in any other way. Not food, breathing, exercise, nothing is giving me that feeling and I miss it so much. That is what is keeping me from moving on from a constant feeling of deprivation.
I logically know the consequence of smoking and have decided no matter what it's not worth what I'm missing. That is why I'm confident I'll stay quit because a healthy long life is worth more to me BY FAR than smoking. That said, when I hear others shifting their mindset away from a feeling of deprivation and how it positively affects their journey away from nicotine, I can't and may not ever get there.
As I mentioned I've spoken of this before recently and just wanted to expand on it. Like many bad relationships needing an end, I broke up with nicotine...but I'll miss so many things about it. Maybe forever. I wish that wasn't the case but N.O.P.E. N.M.W.
