Alrighty now. At 9:30 this morning i marked 3 whole weeks, without a cigarette, and my newbie feels just fine. I want to trust myself, but can I express my doubts? I heard yesterday that once i face the inevitable then the impossible becomes attainable. I am a rhetoritician, but I need to vent. I question if this quitting smoking is just a 'thing' but i am adamant against the slip. I am angry that a relapse is a possibility, perhaps that anger is good. I'm determined not to. I sense salvation in my sense of humor. I'm gonna laugh and believe that's gonna be my medicine. I want to come here to the site and stay. I have a lot to say but i fear hurting anyone else's chances of success with my ramblings.
I found hidden butts in two Folgers' tubs under the kitchen sink (cigarette lighter included) that I used as my backup stash a week and a half ago and it was a gotcha moment. Almost. Couldn't run that death out to the dumpster fast enough, and that made me feel good. I said oh no you dont. And I didnt. Need to keep an eye on the addict in the mirror. He's slick, but really he's not. Done with the patch, saved one in wallet and another in medicine cabinet just to remind me everytime i open that door. Due to step down from 4mg to 2 mg lozenge after the lower dosage is done in about a week. Then embark on the no NRT life. My trigger driving the car, and have been on 4 smokeless rides since Quit Day One. Hoorah. Have a wedding to goto this weekend, to include a considerable drive. Found a tube of lozenges from a prior quit in the center console of the car. Will take that as a good sign.
Is it valid to say that I want success for other so badly, knowing that I cant quit for anyone else but myself? The kid is a grown man, but he cries on the inside in between the LOLs. Fortunately my mood swings are not major, long lasting or deep. I want to believe I have a hold on things. My sinusitus is gone, noes now functioning again only as a nose is truly designed to. I can focus on the benefits, and the bank account is stabilizing minus the forty bucks a week I no longer spend on my habit. Happy about that. And now the calculator only figures my Quit in weeks, instead of individual days. I'm down for that change. Doing the reading, 3 Ebooks a chapter in each per day, and that helps. And the 3rd weekend watching sports on teevee without smoking is major in my space. Looking forward to weekend number four.
Have got family in my corner now to help keep me honest, and will be depending on the tough love from them and from you all, that I know you can give. Here to reach out and grab it. My positive confession is I'm one of the good guys, and I deserve nothing but the best. Said I ramble. Please forgive. This is only scratching the surface, but that's how bad I want to be and stay free. I can only promise myself that I think I can do it. Laugh with me. And at me if it makes you feel better. I'm gonna beat myself up until I get this done. I wanna be an oldtimer. I will deal with the fear, and the unknown. Happy October to you all.
