7 months ago I decided enough was enough. I was a closet smoker for nearly two decades and the anxiety and shame that came with that had taken so much from me. I was tired of missing out on things, obsessing about having time to find a hiding place to smoke and worrying about masking the odor. I'm not so sure that nobody knew. I used to tell myself it helped calm me down. I even convinced myself that it was beyond my control.. just a part of my depression, anxiety and OCD. But one day I said the only thing standing in my way of quitting is ME. The moment I took the blame for it after all those years was the moment I turned to God and said "HELP". I prayed for strength and to this day I have a voice in my head that replays and says, "You can if you believe you can." I quit making excuses for it. I quit blaming that friend who told me 18 years ago, "Here... just try it once...". I quit blaming emotional and verbal abuse from my childhood. I quit blaming my chronic fatigue syndrome. I quit blaming panic attacks and sleepless nights. I had to see smoking as unhealthy and self-destructive behavior and as MY problem and I had to separate it from the excuses. I know people don't see it the same... I probably make a bigger deal of it but if it helped me quit, maybe it will help someone else. Self love sometimes needs to be tough love and for years I couldn't love myself. I didn't think I was worth it. We are all worth it. You are worth it! You've got to want better and know that you deserve better. I let go of a whole lot more than cigarettes 7 months ago and I've never felt better on the inside.