Happy New Year 2018

Blog Post created by Jaxson1_quit_01-16-2014 on Jan 1, 2018

Wow!! I haven’t been on this site for a very long time but as I come closer to my 4 year anniversary I reflect on how I started this journey. In no way shape or form was I even prepared to start this journey but when the vascular surgeon announced to me,  “I want to do surgery on you tomorrow.”  I nearly fell over... you wanna what? Yeah I was the youngest person he had ever put stents in... not the record I really want to hold. They thought that I was having these clotting problems becuase I was a smoker...unfortunately 4 months later while I was in the Carribean a blood clot broke loose and blew up my foot and I haven’t been able to walk normally since. Came to light that it had nothing to do with my smoking and EVERYTHING to do with a hereditary blood disorder. My mom was fearful that I would start again! Uhhhh not just NO but HELL NO! I wasn’t ever going to have another day one again... a day won, but never a day one!! ( I will never ever forget that Giulia!!) EX was my saving grace!! The people on here are amazing, they tell it to you straight but are also full of love and empathy!! They will hold your hand and kick you in the butt when you need it!! I know that I made because of their support! And as my 4 year anniversary draws near it kinda sucks that I will be in the same place as where I started this journey...the Intensive Care Unit. The right stent they put in 4 years ago has failed and my illiac artery is full of a blood clot...no wonder I haven’t been able to walk very far without my leg feeling like it was being ripped off...the crazy things that no blood flow to your muscles will make you feel like! But this to shall pass and this time I don’t have to feel like the walls are closing in on me and I want to kill every nurse that even looks at me because I want to smoke. I am here to attest that it gets so much better... there will come a morning that that is not the first thing that you think of and the last thing you think about before you go to bed...there will be a time when it doesn’t consume your every thought...weather that be sleeping or awake... those smoking dreams are crazy intense!! It was the best thing that I every did for me even though there was no plan to ever quit. Trust in yourself and trust in the people on this site...they are the best and they are here to help! I am the Tigress and in 15 days I will be roaring in 4 years and even though it will be in the hospital... I will be roaring!! God Bless you all and Happy New Year 2018!!