Thank you all for support and I am feeling better, thankfully.
I went to work as the bartender (barista tomorrow morning) today, and found myself saying I don't want to smoke. There were a few regular customers who were teasing/testing me, saying, "come on, let's go out and smoke." I could honestly answer no, I don't want to smoke I want to breathe, and feel good. I have to say, it felt pretty good to be able to say that and mean it.
It will be my first day as barista tomorrow since I have quit and I'm hoping the same response will prevail, it's almost like a switch flipped inside me and living is so much more attractive than spending a bunch of money killing myself.
Thanks again for being here and having this website. Means a ton to me.