Missed 100 days by 12

Blog Post created by Iamkfaz on Sep 5, 2017

I was 12 days to 100 days smoke free.  The last two months I wasn't checking in at this site because I wanted to stop thinking about smoking.  I was doing great.  I observed so many good healthy things occurring to my body over the last 3 months.  I had my first cigarette a week ago Saturday.  I was camping with my husband and had too much to drink.  My husband offered to buy me cigarettes and didn't answer.  He bought them.  My Fault, I didn't say NO!! I had a few that night then got rid of the pack.  The following Tuesday he brought another pack home.  I didn't smoke Sunday, Monday and most of Tues. I smoked in the evenings of Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday at home.  Then Friday I was home from work and went out and bought my own pack and I am now back to smoking like I was before I quit.


I told my husband I am going to quit again, today was to be that day, and he asked me not to saying "you are happier when you smoke".  That statement has been stuck in my mind ever since.  I'm having trouble sleeping, looking back at what I had accomplished and what I lost.  I didn't stop today, it makes so sad. 


In just the last four days the good I had achieved is gone.  I can already feel most of the improvements in my health disappearing.  Of course I have all kinds emotional feelings associated with this.  My friend says "just throw out the ones you have and don't get more".  Is it really that simple?  It wasn't that simple when I quit three months ago.  I planned, I studied, I read.  I set a data.  I felt prepared.  I don't feel prepared now. 


Do I start all over again, re-read all of the material, set a date and begin again?  Am I a happier person when I smoke?  I thought I was happy as a ex smoker, was I wrong, have I missed something?


Please tell me what you think?  Thank you