HazelRay12

the mental addiction

Blog Post created by HazelRay12 on Nov 7, 2019

Hey I’m not totally sure how this forum works but after reading all of your helpful posts I thought I’d share. Today I decided to look up websites that help you quit and I’m happy I’ve found this one. I started smoking when I was 14 and I remember the moment I realized that I was addicted - I remember it because my boyfriend didn’t “need” a cigarette and I absolutely needed one before I fell asleep. I insisted that we sneak into his garage like we always did at night and smoke a cigarette together. I figured through my teen years that I was young and it’d be fine or that I’d work it out somehow but I never did. For years I have been struggling with awful guilt and shame, like some of you mentioned, because that’s what comes with the addiction. For a long time I believed that cigarettes were my most reliable friend, something consistent to go to when I felt ANY emotion; sadness, loneliness, excitement, etc. I also developed this weird shameful cycle where even though I wasn’t necessarily craving one (because I had usually just smoked one), I would force myself to smoke another one - it was already killing me, so why not?  I wanted to conquer the addiction or rebel against it. Somehow this meant smoking an extra cigarette on my way home from work beyond what I needed to in order to fulfill the craving - I guess to me it felt better because I was taking control of such a deep loss of control that I was experiencing with my nicotine addiction. I’ve always had the “screw it” mentality it’s too late I’ve already given myself a death sentence. Anyway, this is a little bit about my feelings as a smoker. I am desperate to quit, I have been on and off the patch for 7 months. I need to change my attitude for sure because I’m still lingering in the “missing out” phase which is why I’m still here! 

 

 

thanks for letting me share  

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