Examining My Addiction #1

Blog Post created by GinaK on Oct 9, 2017

I'm doing the work getting ready for my upcoming quit day on November 1st.  I just had an insight which reminded me how ingrained in my psyche smoking is.


I am scheduled for a colonoscopy on Thursady.  I had one three years ago, and they removed a pre-cancerous polyp--which means that they put me on, as they said, "the three-year plan" (instead of ten).  Whoopie!  Not.  


Anyhow, back to my smoking-addiction self-discovery.  As I was preparing three years ago, the instructions said that I was to refrain from smoking for one week prior to the procedure.  (I did smoke some, but mostly got by staving off the cravings with nicotine gum).  THIS time I'm having the procedure at a different hospital.  And this time, when I read the instructions, they said "refrain from smoking for 24 hours prior to your procedure."


What was my first reaction? "OH, GOOD--I CAN SMOKE!"  It actually pleased me that I only had to manage without a cigarette for one day (inside, I think I may have had a slight smile)


How many OTHER times have I had the "Oh good, I can smoke" reaction as I've gone about my daily routine, usually with even being aware of it?  A LOT, I'm pretty sure:  On my breaks at work or after I get off.  After a plane trip.  Leaving the mall after shopping.  After spending time at the house of a non-smoking friend.  And a thousand other times.  


It just stunned me when I realized my pleased/(almost)-happy reaction to the "short" forced abstinence from cigarettes this time.


It looks like I have a lot of work to do as I prepare for my upcoming battle.