41 days and counting

Blog Post created by Gergzz on Apr 1, 2020

   I am 18 years old and 41 days nicotine free. I started vaping during my senior year of High School because I thought I looked cool. The reason i quit was because there was no need to be wasting money on something I thought I did not need, and was Illegal for me to purchase in my state. On Feb. 20 my vape's pod was burnt and gross so I figured I would just quit the habit all together. The night of the 20th I began to realize this was going to be much more difficult than I could have ever dreamed. That night the anxiety started to become crippling, on the positive side of things it forced me to get up and do some laundry and clean. The sleep was terrible and work the next morning was even worse. I agree with all the posts saying the second and third day are by far the worst. I began having panic attacks, simply caused by my mind racing and wondering what could possibly be wrong with me. I had terrible thoughts worrying about everything from family members death's to coronavirus which was mostly a headline at that point. I don't think of myself as a weak minded person I have been through difficult things like varsity wrestling weight cuts, and usually know the difference between being weak minded and feeling like something is genuinely wrong, but i just cried constantly which I can't remember the last time that had happened. 

   Around day 30, I started to feel like myself again, but the anxiety and slight depression is still persistent. Currently on Day 41 there are two things that trigger me to want to go back to nicotine. I have become obsessed with my vision. Things further away are blurry(screens also bother me) and it could be the anxiety that has me noticing it now, but i cant remember what it was like before the quit. The other thing that frequently bothers me is this almost lightheaded/spacey feeling I get consistently at work. I will being doing my boring job stocking shelves at a grocery store and be spaced out thinking, "why am i doing this" or will get this feeling that everything is just too much and I will start sweating. Im sure most of this is just stress induced anxiety, and it keeps getting better gradually it's just sometimes I feel very overwhelmed by it all.

   The only way I have really been able to relax is by listening to podcasts with my eyes closed. I keep checking this site for other people's experiences. I only vaped for a year, but I had that thing in my hand every part of the day. I have gained a lot of weight which does not help the depression, but with all this coronavirus hysteria(I believe its a real threat just couldn't find the right word) I am mostly doing whatever to not drive to the vape store and purchase pods to be able to relax. I still have the battery and juice because I want to give it to my friend who smokes, but it is tempting. I feel bad for posting this. I'm not trying to be negative at all, I just want to put my experience out there because I feel silly for letting my want to look cool ruin my health and wellbeing. Im looking forward to feeling better and hoping to see if anyone has experienced something similar. Stay safe and wash your hands