Relapse

[Freedomcat]

Hi everyone, 

I chose to smoke in April, about 4 months into my quit. I became unable to work, eat, sleep,...pretty much anything. Smoking had been working to suppress symptoms of trauma and I was in full on PTSD.  This was the hardest time in my entire life. 

I took a month sick leave and since have been feeling much better and have been allowing myself to smoke without shame, while building up other ways to support myself. 

I know smoking is killing me and I feel awful...smoking more than I ever have l, having headaches alot, feeling gross. But I'm scared to go through that hell again. I'm dont want to quit smoking and I do.

I don't think cold turkey will work for me as per my experience last time. But I have a hard time cutting down...my addiction takes over and I have no say, it seems. 

Any suggestions on how to slowly and gently and compassionately reduce my dependence on cigarettes?

Thank you