Today I am just sad. If I was smoking, today I would be at my cousins/best friend’s house helping her clean and prepare for Thanksgiving tomorrow while we joke, smoke, and drink a glass of wine. I can’t do that. This is one of the reasons that kept me smoking. I used to tell myself, “oh just one day I can smoke and have fun and then I can go back to not smoking again.” After 23 years of smoking and quitting SO MANY TIMES, I know this is a lie, but I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I really do. My heart hurts.