I probably just broke the rules

Blog Post created by Diannnnn on Sep 28, 2017

but this has been bugging me for awhile. Some of you may remember that I chose to smoke a cigarette on August 10th to see what it was like. I am very glad I did that because that experience has helped me through many craves since. I believe I needed to do that for my quit. This is my first attempt to quit and it feels in every way like my forever quit. I may think about having a cigarette once or twice a week, but the thought is so fleeting that I don't think it even qualifies as a crave. On those rare occasions that I do have a crave, I laugh and remember that horrible ashtray taste in my mouth and how sick I felt after my "experiment". It really has been an invaluable experience for me. I want to stress that this is my experience and I in no way recommend anyone follow my lead! This was the path my quit followed and I think everyone's quit, while having many similarities, have personal qualities that make them unique. 


I was honest with the community and even changed my quit date, but today I changed it back to July 2nd because I don't feel like I lost my quit on August 10th. I didn't start smoking again, it actually drove me further away from my addiction. That experience is one of the tools in my toolkit now because while I feel strong in my quit, there are times when I experience a crave and my body reacts before my brain kicks in. I will find myself walking out to the garage to see if someone left cigarettes out there or even if there is a smokeable butt. I immediately remind myself that I don't do that anymore and start going through my toolkit; get the ice cold water, look for a distraction and remember "the experience". Then I move on with my day.


I realize there may be some who feel that my quit date should stay at August 10th. That's fine. I just wanted to know how many days it had been since I had truly been a smoker. So if it is a huge issue, I'll change it back. I know it's been 88 days and I am marking that on my personal calendar. I probably still won't keep an active count of my DOF because it just isn't important to me on a daily basis. I check about once a week or even just count up the weeks on a calendar. It's just the way I do it for my quit.


This community is amazing and everyone has been a huge help and inspiration. I am not trying to change things or make waves, but I never felt comfortable with acting as though I blew my quit when I really didn't feel as if I had. I have the utmost respect for all my fellow EXers and thanks each of you for your assistance and friendship!