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Share your quitting journey

Don't shoot me!

Diannnnn
Member
0 55 357
‎08-10-2017 09:20 AM

I have been struggling with depression over the last week or so and smoking has been at the forefront of my mind. I have been evaluating my feelings, trying to determine if I truly want to smoke again. I really wasn't sure, but I thought I really didn't; I was just curious what it would be like to smoke a cigarette. So I just did. <cringing>

K, ready to read my reaction? OMG it was so nasty! It didn't taste anything like I remembered. There was no, "Ahhh, now that is better." Now my ears and sinuses are plugged up, my stomach is upset and my head hurts. I have this horrid ashtray taste in my mouth and my lungs are kinda tight. Now I remember why I quit. I have viewed this quit like a lab experiment, seeing what happens if I do A, B, etc. I in no way want to ever smoke another cigarette and can't for the life of me figure out how I ever liked doing so. I was totally unprepared for this reaction. Part of me thought I would feel better and was prepared to be addicted again. Not gonna happen 'cause that crap sucks big time!

So, if anyone was wondering what it would be like....wonder no longer. It is absolutely disgusting! If I have to restart my quit count so be it. Apparently I needed to experience that for some crazy reason.

Man I hope these effects clear up soon....I feel horrible! I'll be drinking several gallons of water while you all chime in on the stupidity of my actions...lol.

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About the Author
Hello. My name is Dian and my quit date is 7/2/2017. I am 54 years old and live with my brother and sister-in-law. My current occupation is caregiver to my 3 nephews ages 5-10. I work 40-50 hours per week in my "Nauntie" role. I have smoked for 33 years and alcohol has been a daily part of my life for approximately 13 years. In addition, I have dealt with depression and anxiety for 30+ years. I am pretty hard-headed and determined. I tend to believe I can treat myself medically because I was a Hospital Corpsman in the Navy, earned an associate’s degree in Health Information Technology and have an affinity for medicine. Six weeks ago I was smoking 20-30 cigarettes per day and drinking an average of 4-6 beers per night for at least the last 9 months. Then I caught what I thought was a normal cold on May 14th. After treating it myself unsuccessfully for a week and coughing so hard as to cause one of the most severe headaches I have ever had, I went to a Take Care clinic to have my lungs listened to and possibly get some steroids. The Nurse Practioner recommended I go to the ER. ER gave me IV steroids and 2 hour long breathing treatments. Left with a whole host of prescriptions. I followed up with my primary care Dr the following Tuesday and he continued the treatment plan. That night and the following morning I had hour-long, incapacitating coughing fits. I could not do anything but cough. My sister in law rearranged her entire day to work from home because she was not comfortable leaving me alone with a 5 year old. I called my Dr. The next morning his nurse called me to let me know about a steroid extension, and then I coughed. She told me I needed to go to Immediate Care as soon as possible. So off I go to the dr. again. He put me in the hospital because outpatient treatment was failing. Two days in the hospital and here we are today. I will be taking a pulmonary function test this Tuesday to confirm or rule out COPD. I have been actively trying to find relief from my depression, this round, through professionals for the last 3 years. I started Lexapro in December and I think it was starting to finally work just before "the cold", despite the amount of alcohol I was drinking. I have not only decided to quit smoking, but I have changed the way I was “living” life. Better nutrition, exercise, quit smoking and quit hiding behind alcohol. If I think about it too much it seems daunting, but it feels right for me at this time so I’m going with for it. I am being very gentle with myself while still holding myself accountable. I know I can do this.