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Share your quitting journey

What I Hate About Smoking

Diannnnn
Member
1 20 160
‎06-30-2017 08:34 AM

As I have been counting down the days to quit day, (T-2), I have been evaluating my smoking and have decided I truly hate being dependent on the evil little things. Here is what I hate about smoking:

  • The scratchiness in my throat after a smoke
  • The tightness/full feeling in my lungs
  • The taste in my mouth
  • The immediate flow of mucus from my sinuses when I light up
  • The way it ruins the taste of my drink or what I just ate
  • The way I become a mindless automaton when my body decides it needs nicotine
  • The look on my nephew's faces when I "step outside"
  • The shortness of breath when I do something formally easy, like climbing the stairs
  • The money I have spent on cigarettes
  • The fact that I have permanently damaged my lungs
  • The coughing that wakes me up
  • The cravings that wake me up
  • The feeling that I am simply a slave to my addiction

I have also come up with a list of things I love about not smoking from my brief decrease due to misusing the patch:

  • Being able to breath through my nose
  • Being able to actually taste food
  • Being able to spend the money on things I want to rather than need to
  • Seeing the happiness on my nephew's faces when I don't have to interrupt our time with a smoke break
  • The way my throat, lungs and sinuses feel after not smoking for several hours
  • The freedom I feel when I am not a slave to the addiction

I am sure this list will grow when I get past the first 24-72 hours. I am nervous, excited, worried and happy all at the same time. I can't wait to join the N.O.P.E. subscribers/Freedom Train riders. I know I can do this mostly because I want to do this! Every time I am out of breath I get pissed off. I don't do well when my body can't do what my mind believes it should be able to. I also am determined to never have my happy butt confined to a hospital room due to my stupid addiction. It was only two days, but seemed like an eternity to me. 

I have been planning how I will cope next week and coming up with alternatives to smoking. I really do think that timing my quit with my trip to FL is going to be very helpful. Taking myself out of my normal routine the first 5 days will hopefully help me. My Dad has a pool, the beach is minutes away and I have a new neighborhood to walk through. If I wake up craving, I will jump in the pool. If I get antsy, I will go for a walk or go to the beach and practice yoga poses. I will not worry about counting calories and steps, I will just do what I feel. I am on vacation for 5 days, but taking a permanent vacation from cigarettes. I will fill my lungs with the Gulf air, dig my toes into the white sands and enjoy my family...all the while NOT smoking.

Seafood and hush puppies, here I come!!

Dian

20 Comments
About the Author
Hello. My name is Dian and my quit date is 7/2/2017. I am 54 years old and live with my brother and sister-in-law. My current occupation is caregiver to my 3 nephews ages 5-10. I work 40-50 hours per week in my "Nauntie" role. I have smoked for 33 years and alcohol has been a daily part of my life for approximately 13 years. In addition, I have dealt with depression and anxiety for 30+ years. I am pretty hard-headed and determined. I tend to believe I can treat myself medically because I was a Hospital Corpsman in the Navy, earned an associate’s degree in Health Information Technology and have an affinity for medicine. Six weeks ago I was smoking 20-30 cigarettes per day and drinking an average of 4-6 beers per night for at least the last 9 months. Then I caught what I thought was a normal cold on May 14th. After treating it myself unsuccessfully for a week and coughing so hard as to cause one of the most severe headaches I have ever had, I went to a Take Care clinic to have my lungs listened to and possibly get some steroids. The Nurse Practioner recommended I go to the ER. ER gave me IV steroids and 2 hour long breathing treatments. Left with a whole host of prescriptions. I followed up with my primary care Dr the following Tuesday and he continued the treatment plan. That night and the following morning I had hour-long, incapacitating coughing fits. I could not do anything but cough. My sister in law rearranged her entire day to work from home because she was not comfortable leaving me alone with a 5 year old. I called my Dr. The next morning his nurse called me to let me know about a steroid extension, and then I coughed. She told me I needed to go to Immediate Care as soon as possible. So off I go to the dr. again. He put me in the hospital because outpatient treatment was failing. Two days in the hospital and here we are today. I will be taking a pulmonary function test this Tuesday to confirm or rule out COPD. I have been actively trying to find relief from my depression, this round, through professionals for the last 3 years. I started Lexapro in December and I think it was starting to finally work just before "the cold", despite the amount of alcohol I was drinking. I have not only decided to quit smoking, but I have changed the way I was “living” life. Better nutrition, exercise, quit smoking and quit hiding behind alcohol. If I think about it too much it seems daunting, but it feels right for me at this time so I’m going with for it. I am being very gentle with myself while still holding myself accountable. I know I can do this.