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Share your quitting journey

3 Weeks Since Hospital Admission

Diannnnn
Member
1 15 105
‎06-16-2017 12:03 AM

Three weeks ago my life changed for the better and I am trying to take advantage of my luck.  This is a summary of the changes I have incorporated since having my happy butt land in the hospital for two days over my "simple cold".  Understand something about me prior to this wake up call; I knew what was best for me and I didn't trust anyone and their advice.  Not doctors, not family, not friends, but most of all not myself.  Oh I thought I knew it all, but we all know I didn't.  Is there still some of that lurking?  Of course there is.  I am working on being more open-minded about receiving advice.  Not dismissing it out of hand because it isn't what I want to hear.  I was pretty much trying to kill myself, just not quickly.  Didn't care what or how much I ate, drank or smoked.  Was alive but not living.

In the past three weeks I have:

1. Started listening to my body and not forcing it to do what I want it to do or what I think it should be able to do.

2. I will quit smoking no matter how long it takes or how many obstacles life throws into my path. After the steroids are out of my system, I will evaluate moving my quit day up from July 2, to next week. I know now I will have to put them down and walk away.  No slow taper will work as I have  plateaued regarding reducing the number per day.

3. I have incorporated healthier eating habits, concentrating on quality over quantity since the meds totally suppressed my appetite.  This has gone especially well since my taste buds are coming back to life.  Food that you wouldn't have caught me buying and eating in a million years tastes awesome!  Some of the food I used to eat doesn't really interest me much any longer.  For example, I used to love Big Macs and fries. Now, eh, not so much.  I don't miss it, haven't denied myself, but I'm just not interested.  Enjoying the chicken salad I made from leftover rotisserie chicken much more.

4. I started Yoga.  I have two classes under my belt and I love it!  Plan to regain some semblance of flexibility and strength, then add Tai Chi.  I have always wanted to learn Tai Chi and I know it would do me a lot of good.  Once I get into the habit of taking in enough calories per day to support cardio exercise, I will get back on my bike.

5. I have not actively limited my alcohol, but it has happened "naturally".  I open a beer and quite often I don't finish even one. I have had small glasses of wine occasionally with meals and that is pleasant.

6. I have been reteaching myself how to breath  properly.  Yoga is helping tremendously with this.

7. I found this awesome community that teaches me, supports me and gives me honest reality checks. 

8. I have promised myself that I will not return to my life of a month ago.  I was in pain, I hated myself and I was missing everything and everyone I hold dear.  I can't go back there, it will kill me.

So that is about it I think.  This list is ever evolving, growing and refining as I rediscover myself and am mindful of what I need and what will support my goals.  Do I love myself?  Not quite there yet, but care enough to make these changes.  

And now, since I am hearing my body say it wants sleep...

Goodnight and pleasant dreams,

Dian

15 Comments
About the Author
Hello. My name is Dian and my quit date is 7/2/2017. I am 54 years old and live with my brother and sister-in-law. My current occupation is caregiver to my 3 nephews ages 5-10. I work 40-50 hours per week in my "Nauntie" role. I have smoked for 33 years and alcohol has been a daily part of my life for approximately 13 years. In addition, I have dealt with depression and anxiety for 30+ years. I am pretty hard-headed and determined. I tend to believe I can treat myself medically because I was a Hospital Corpsman in the Navy, earned an associate’s degree in Health Information Technology and have an affinity for medicine. Six weeks ago I was smoking 20-30 cigarettes per day and drinking an average of 4-6 beers per night for at least the last 9 months. Then I caught what I thought was a normal cold on May 14th. After treating it myself unsuccessfully for a week and coughing so hard as to cause one of the most severe headaches I have ever had, I went to a Take Care clinic to have my lungs listened to and possibly get some steroids. The Nurse Practioner recommended I go to the ER. ER gave me IV steroids and 2 hour long breathing treatments. Left with a whole host of prescriptions. I followed up with my primary care Dr the following Tuesday and he continued the treatment plan. That night and the following morning I had hour-long, incapacitating coughing fits. I could not do anything but cough. My sister in law rearranged her entire day to work from home because she was not comfortable leaving me alone with a 5 year old. I called my Dr. The next morning his nurse called me to let me know about a steroid extension, and then I coughed. She told me I needed to go to Immediate Care as soon as possible. So off I go to the dr. again. He put me in the hospital because outpatient treatment was failing. Two days in the hospital and here we are today. I will be taking a pulmonary function test this Tuesday to confirm or rule out COPD. I have been actively trying to find relief from my depression, this round, through professionals for the last 3 years. I started Lexapro in December and I think it was starting to finally work just before "the cold", despite the amount of alcohol I was drinking. I have not only decided to quit smoking, but I have changed the way I was “living” life. Better nutrition, exercise, quit smoking and quit hiding behind alcohol. If I think about it too much it seems daunting, but it feels right for me at this time so I’m going with for it. I am being very gentle with myself while still holding myself accountable. I know I can do this.