This was my day today.
I woke up around 6am and headed downstairs. My brother is up but everyone else is still asleep…cool. I grab a cup of coffee and head outside to check my emails, Facebook and EX on my phone. Nope, did not take a cigarette with me but wanted to. About an hour later, I am still mildly craving one, but I’m ok. First nephew gets up about 7am…they really need to learn the fine art of sleeping in during summer break! He wants to watch videos on the computer….ok. 20 minutes later the 5yo comes down. He’s ok watching Kindly Keyin with his brother….cool. I’m doing a few dishes from the night before that need washing and start the dishwasher. Really wanting a cigarette so I begin my distraction games. I look around for things to pick up, check the time because I have meds at 8am and listen to the boys begin to bicker a bit. Ok, I decide to have a smoke. I do my baby puff thing and head back inside. Now the 10yo is up and sitting watching YouTube with the other two. It’s close to 8 so I go ahead and get my Boost and take my pills. I forget to change my patch. I go upstairs to see if my sister-in-law needs to get up. I come back down and see if anyone is ready for breakfast and take care of that. Now the bickering has turned into an argument and the 7yo slams the computer lid down and storms off. No computer for awhile for anyone. I get that all settled and then I show them that their Dad has asked them to clean the playroom. Whining and excuses begin. It’s about 9-9:30 and I’m starting to want a cigarette. Gee, wonder if one of my triggers is stress? ;o) I do my inhalers at 10a, so I don’t want to smoke, but with each, “But why do we have to clean up the playroom?” I am weakening. After explaining for the millionth time that Dad wants them to, I give in to the smoke craving.
It’s about 10:45am and I haven’t done my inhalers. I have let them hijack the morning again. I do my smoke, straighten my big girl panties and head back inside. Now they want to eat again. I look at them like they are aliens as they just had breakfast. I bargain for checking again at 1115 and if they are still hungry, we will do a snack/early lunch. I finally do my inhalers. Breakfast dishes aren’t done, but the laundry is started and the outdoor plants are watered. They end up eating again at 1115. No clean up has begun on the playroom. Now they want to go outside and do water balloons. I say, it’s a good day for it, but we can’t until we do what your father asked. “Will you help us?” they ask. I say I would be happy to help, but I have a couple of things to do. I let them know they are welcome to start at anytime. They are going to wait for me. Okay. I do the dishes, straighten the kitchen, move laundry around with the 7yo’s help and start the Roomba (nicknamed Big Weld) upstairs. It is about 1-130p by this time. No one has made a move towards the playroom. 10yo lost his wallet…found after a short search. I was able to get them to pick up the nerf darts on the main floor and upstairs. Kept giving them tasks and reminded them that we can’t go outside and pellet each other with water balloons until the playroom is done. “When can you help Dian?” I look around and see I need to sweep really quick. I let them know.
2p and I am done sweeping, let’s check the laundry then start on the playroom. Move laundry and back downstairs. Ok, let’s get started I say. 5yo is hungry. Are you kidding me? Ok, they are eating…again. Get that finished, stack the dishes and say, let’s go. We finally get to the playroom about quarter to 3p. Assign each a corner and here we go. Explain that the more they argue, whine or simply refuse to participate will result in two things; no water balloons and an unhappy father. We finally finish about 430p due to said arguing, whining and non-participation. Change into swimsuits and out we go for only an hour of water fun because they have swim lessons at 630p. Get everyone back in the house to change for swimming at 550p, get them a snack and make sure they have clothes to wear afterwards. Beginning to want a smoke. Clean the flip flops they wore outside.
Everyone loads in the car and leaves about 615p. Shockingly, I want a cigarette! Why did I want one? Because I have been running my butt ragged all day long and it was the first time there has been total silence in the house since 7am. Trigger identified. I delayed it 15 minutes, then said, okie dokie smokie. Took one baby puff, put the cigarette in the ashtray, cleaned up a couple of things in the garage. Took another baby puff, coughed. Held the cigarette some more, then said, ok, I'm done and put it out. That is pretty much a normal smoke for me these days. I don't like the taste it leaves in my mouth and the way it makes my throat and lungs feel. I also don't like the way my sinuses start to clog up after being clear for hours. I remind myself of this every time I slip. I don’t get mad, disappointed or even bummed because I also remind myself that 5 weeks ago I was smoking 20-30 of them a day,(and inhaling all the freakin’ smoke I could), and sitting on my duff drinking 4-6 beers every night while reading my Kindle. I’m still calling it progress. Since I am under the influence of predinisone, atrovent and ventolin that stop on Friday, I am not making any big changes in my program until they are clear of my system. I am well aware that I could be looking at a whole different ballgame without the “steroid high”. Scares the crap out of me, but I am aware.
Ok, wanted to get this out of my system, but I really need to go to bed. Goodnight.