My fight to Survive Day 1

Blog Post created by Darlene0313 on Mar 29, 2020

My name is Darlene, prefer to be called Dee. Im 54 years old and started smoking when i was 8 years old. When i turned 12 my mom bought me a carton of cigs for my birthday and from that point on ive been a serious chain smoker. Because i started so young i had no idea what it was like to feel like a non smoker. I quit in Dec 2013 and it only lasted 8 months. Shame on me, i swore the hell i went through to feel that incredible i would never go back to smoking but i did. I want that back, i want to feel that way again..... Im always sick, always low energy, always something since i started back up. I had my quit date as of yesterday but i was cleaning my desk this morning and found a pack with 1 cig in it. My inner voice tricked me and i listened. Damnit i need to win this fight. The hard part is im on self quaratine because i have every symptom for the Covid19. I was tested so just waiting for my results. The past 5 days i smoked 2 cigs a day down from almost 2 packs a day. Its hard to know what symptoms are the withdrawals and whats the virus. I have bursts of energy and i get up and do things i have neglected since ive been sick. Wish this morning i didnt do that cleaning. It is what it is and i just need to move on. One day at a time and ill be there again. Even though i slipped and so soon into my quit i will still say i dont smoke.  This time around with this quit it is the mental cravings more than the physical ones. Being bored isnt helping.