Sometimes to admire some pics some of us are taking, like this one. Even if our home is in the city, some sunrises are just as beautiful as they are if you walk on a beach in Hawaii, while I am just on my patio in Arizona.
Some of us are really dedicated to help, and have been standing guard for all the newbies since their own quit: dispensing advice, support, sharing experiences and knowledge.
And some are staying because they understood being an active member on EX is a guarantee to keep a solid quit.
On and off, I have been here for one of all the above reasons. But lately, life took me away from the site, and I got to see the sharp teeth of the monster, the addiction, calling back on me.
Not sure if the low I am going through is purely due to exhaustion, not having taken any other vacation but the 4-5 days in VB with you guys this spring, if it is the loss of my pets having hit me so hard, or just the sole caregiver syndrom, as mom is 95% in my charge, and hubby contributes with the rest.
And finding out a dear friend fell into the addiction after a beautiful 6 years quit did not help my thinking about smoking.
Nor does the weight hanging onto me for over 3 years now, and the clear knowledge smoking would increase the metabolism by 10%.
I guess all of these were somewhere in the back of my conscience, up till this afternoon. Waiting my turn in a mani/pedi place, I was flipping through a magazine and fell onto an add for a cigarette, claiming to contain just tobacco and water! If anyone these days is still trusting any kind of adds! I had never heard of the brand, and will not discuss it here, but went on my phone to check the most expensive 10 brands of cigarettes, one of which was the one in the add. As I was scrolling through, it hit me like a train!!! What am I doing? Research for my next purchase? My own Christmas present?
How careless can I be, even looking at the adds, or the description of the manufacturer, and the price of the pack? How can I play with fire, how can I be so close to it, and think it will not burn me?
The thoughts opened my eyes. I am heading towards my 4th year anniversary, and I will not risk my smobriety for a "healthy" - (just tobacco and water) cigarette! We all know there is no such thing as only one!
May this be a warning, first to myself, then to anyone here thinking after a while we are safe. We will never be really safe; we can never give ourselves permission to have "just one" because such thing does not exist. Our friend having had "just one" after 6 years smoke free, is now smoking full time again.
It takes being here, at least from time to time, to read if not respond, to play if not write blogs, but it takes being here, this is our safe heaven, this is the place of remembering: remembering the first days of our quit, remembering our friends who have gone to heavens because of smoking related afflictions, the place to ask for help and get it, the place so many put their time and soul to keep alive.
Please come back, newbies or elders, this is our safe place.
