Life did not spoil me lately; many reasons to feel overwhelmed, treated unfairly (by life), tired with no apparent reason, mindlessly watching Netflix in the evenings instead of doing something more useful. But I am tired, and depressed. The thyroid is all over the place sending me in all kind of "unsafe" places; like the thought of not being anymore viewed as the ultimate solution to a complicated life which I feel is pushing me into the ground.
And another "possible" resolution??? Going back to smoking!
You think I am kidding, you think after more than 3 and 1/2 year of smobriety, I should be over that? One would think but it is not true, I am still not over that!
Marilyn Marilyn.H.July.14.14. says it so often, we need to be vigilant! It is what I am doing today, I am coming back to safety, back where I am being understood and supported.
Maybe it is not as serious as to title the blog "Help", but it is serious enough to start questioning my sanity in front of you all.
There were so many Dr's appointments in the last 2-3 months, for mom, myself and Nello, many of them disappointing, lacking clear direction, leaving me having to make decisions for treatment. It should not be this way. Or so I think. And maybe right here is the root of my depression: constant lack of satisfaction with our medical system, feeling left to my own devices to make it all work for my family and myself. I am almost ready to adopt the young pharmacist at our local CVS, I am seeing her several times/week, we started talking about weekends, and she recognizes me on the phone...
I will not smoke now, I am committed to this moment, and say no, I will not pick up another cigarette today!
Because the work we all have to do to reach 1338 DOF is no joke, and I will not give up on myself.
I am here to stay, here to stay smober, no matter what, and to see the colors of rainbow again, with a light heart!