And some answers:
- I did not want to acknowledge smoking is an addiction
- It was my only “vice”
- Because I thought being a provider equal with my husband in terms of revenue we brought in the house, and on top of that a reliable wife and a dedicated mom, I felt “entitled” to have smoking as my own reward (hubby has his drinks at the end of the day, our son had his friends, I had my smoking)
- Having tried to quit several times I was positively sure it was hard; so I was avoiding the “suffering” of quitting
It kept metabolism going, it was my friend on every diet: “can’t eat now, have a smoke, the hunger will pass for a while”
5. Spending time with myself was always precious for me; and if sometimes hubby followed me outside and we hung out over my smoke, most of the times I did it alone, maybe with just my pets who are polite that way, and don’t ask me questions, never disturbing my thoughts
And for all of you out there pondering the decision, the “answers” are my “lies” to justify keeping smoking, here are the real facts, all of us EX know today:
- Smoking is an addiction; but once you accept it as such, you gain the knowledge quitting is possible
- My “vice” was not innocent, it was destroying anything on its way; liver, blood vessels, immune balance, all going insidious, but all real today. Still looking for the courage to schedule the low dose CT scan; there is a real fear there, not so much of malignant nodules, as much as the whole insecurities around some nodules I know I have since I was a kid, and which doctors never really diagnosed. They will, with today’s technology be investigated till I’ll eventually be cleared, like many times in the past.
- Other self-rewards could have been used, but because of #1, I kept believing in #3! I love good smells, and OMG how much more quality perfume I could have had with the money I spent on cigarettes
- Yes, there are some uncomfortable times at the beginning, but the freedom you gain from quitting, soon enough erases those difficult first weeks. Like I learned here , “no one died of cravings”, but so many did of smoking
- It is right, I seem to have a hard time losing weight anymore, but I take being obese over lung cancer any day; and my working on the additional pounds is not a lost battle; I did not put down my weapons as of yet.
- I found other ways (meditation, yoga) to secure my time with myself, and I know they are helping me get healthier not sicker.
If you still have doubts, please believe my written words, I share them with the hope to help you make the right decision and join our ranks, where we count our Days of Freedom, our Saved Money, and our Lucky days to be alive.