Still in the process of finding the best way to reduce my weight, eat healthy, reduce the attack of the antibodies against the thyroid, I ate about 10 pistachio for a snack today.
And then I thought, how many years will it take me to became the real me, the one inside the shell I built years ago; probably when I started smoking...???
I wanted to fit, I was the laugh of the lot in the mid 70's, because at 18 i did not know how to hold a cigarette, so I started smoking.
And then I was working in a toxic work environment (the 'beautiful' communist era), and I kept smoking, and adding to my protective shell.
And then we left, and we were the odd immigrants, some very nice people thinking we were coming from an uncivilized world, never mind we were fluent in their language, and had university degrees, so I kept smoking.
And then we moved to another country, and we were there invited by their government, yet, when we applied for jobs the locals were selected before us at the same level of skills, because we were immigrants. And I kept smoking and added to my shell.
So we moved again, and finally found a place where it did not matter we were immigrants, as long as we had the right to work and the skills. But we had to start rebuilding from nothing, so I kept smoking.
Then a time came when things seemed to have fallen into place, and it was about time to start thinking what do I want to do with my future. One thing is for sure: I want to be a grand ma!!! And for that I have to survive; continuing smoking was not likely to help with that!
I quit smoking, 830 days ago. And I felt the shell cracking from around me: I started changing, learning new things, practices (deep breathing, meditation, yoga), learning about myself. Yet, still not ready to uncover my real me, I want to be released from my shell, much like a pistachio nut. But I know I still have a long way to walk to my objective.
But I know I have you, and the learning you share every day, with every blog, comment, laugh, with every little piece of your life you are sharing with all of us, they all make a difference to me. They all help me grow emotionally, hopefully to the day when the shell will fall off my shoulders, and I will become the nut I want to be