~~Some days you just have to create your own sunshine.~~ Unknown
I do like spreading joy. I like reminding you that you have worth in this world and that you matter. I like to bring a smile to your heart and sunshine to your soul. And most of all, I want you to feel some comfort...ease....with your quit no matter how many days you have behind you.
Not because I'm Mary Sunshine. Not because I have a 'good' life. Not even because I feel the joy and happiness I like to spread to others.
Quite the opposite, in fact. My yesterday consisted of a mom explaining to me that she 'shot up' her meth because she didn't want to smoke it while her children were in the house. And then she took her 'stuff' and hid it up high so that her children were in no danger.
I was told how one young mom graduated from rehab one day and the next was dead of a drug overdose. Everyone was shocked because she 'was doing so well'.
I had to list all the ways this other mother abused her children because she didn't see it. She did not see herself as abusive even when she put a hatchet through her bathroom door. She didn't see it when her son made friends with the rats in his room. She didn't see it when her daughter had roaches crawling all over her as she slept on the floor.
This is the path I've chosen and this is the life I lead for right now. It gets sad and depressing and ugly and hopeless. But I do it.
I do it because I believe the world is a lovely place filled with hope and comfort and compassion and love. I do it because people are inherently good no matter what their world tells them. I do it because no one should feel alone in the world...ashamed of who they are....hopeless and helpless and crushed. I do it because one voice can matter to the right person. So I get up every day and try.
And I don't come here to tell you what addiction does to people simply because I'm mean. And I don't come here to remind you that your addiction is no different that any other addiction because I'm mean. And I don't come here to depress you or remind you that if you don't stop, you could die.
I come here making my own sunshine. Because I want to believe in joy. Because I care about you enough to try to say 'the right thing'. Because I need the beauty of life to erase the sorrows of the day and this is one way I can do it.
So thank you, Exers. Thank you for allowing me a voice. Thank you for allowing me to make my sunshine. Thank you for allowing me into your lives, if only for a moment. You make a difference in my life. You make it a bit brighter. You leave hope and love. And you matter to me. Each and every one of you. No matter if you smoke or if you serial quit or if you've been quit for 16 years. You matter to me enough so that I can get up tomorrow and hear those sad stories and help those broken souls and not get sucked into their darkness as well. I bring your light instead.
So thank you.