~~I guess the moment when everything changed was when I realized I deserved so much better.~~ Unknown
I often say things like this here. You deserve so much better than to be tied to cigarettes....you deserve health...blah-blah-blah. It's a Sheri thing to some. She is positive or being kind and just like so many other posts here, mine get glossed over by the ones I'm actually trying to reach.
That's ok. I can only try, right? My most powerful moments come from the world I created for myself after I quit smoking so I want others to have what I have found. A beautiful, amazing, miraculous world.
Tonight was a stunning example. I supervised a visit where a broken child found his voice, his balance, his way. He told his parent exactly what he was feeling....and those feelings weren't pleasant. He told his parent that no child should ever have to go through what he went through when he lived at home. He spoke of his anger when that parent forced him to parent his siblings, he relayed how he was angry he never got a birthday party or even a cake his whole life. He ended with "You took the money you were supposed to be raising us with and you bought cigarettes instead." That was only a small thing compared to the other things this parent had been doing....but it mattered to this child. I witnessed a child breaking the cycle of abuse by refusing to be a part of it any longer. It was heartbreaking and powerful and something I will never forget.
Early this week I was at the jail teaching math when one of my students opened up as well. I was humbled that he chose to share his story and honored that he trusted me enough to open up. It was painful, full of regrets, shame, and confusion but the hope was still there for something more...his GED, possibly a college degree later down the road. His life had been horrible, riddled with generations of abuse, yet full of hope.
My heart is so full. I am grateful for my life and recognize how blessed I am. Even working two jobs, I have all I need to feel my world is amazing. But it took me quitting to find that out. It took getting past the victimizations, rationalizations, excuses to find out just how to live my truth.
Maybe you think I'm dramatic. Maybe you think it's too much for you to get. Maybe you just want to quit smoking but keep the rest of your life the same. Everyone is different, of course, but I can promise you that your life will grow when you quit. It just will evolve into how you were always supposed to live and who you were supposed to be. You won't have to work at it, no applications to fill out, no actions required. Your life will take on.....life. And it will be amazing.