~~What screws up us most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be.~~ Unknown
You decide to quit. Check. You understand that nicotine is out of your system in 72 hours. Check. And then you hear there are some cravings but no physical withdrawals that are going to keep you down and out. Check. Life will be back to 'normal' in no time.
And when that first craving hits, you think "Holy Hell!!! I can't do this!!" When you get light-headed or nauseous or have bathroom problems, you think "Omgosh, this is too hard!!" And then when your stress rises and anger looms big, you cave. Cigarette in hand, you post that you are so sorry to disappoint us but you failed.
You are thinking of quitting. But you know it's going to be agonizing. You know there is a good chance you are going to fail. You know you've never been able to do it before. You know your spouse is going to drive you nuts and your job will stress you and you will be bored out of your mind. So you quit and, sure enough, within 30 hours, you are smoking again. You knew it.
If you think about it, what may have screwed you up is the picture in your head of how it is supposed to be. You either have no idea of the recovery journey or you psych yourself out on how very difficult and frightening it is.
Stop for a moment and learn to slow things down!! Some call it mindfulness, some call it 'being present in the moment', and others call it being focused. Whatever you call it, it's time to live it. Live right now, deal with right now, and be here right now.
The past is done. You can't change it so don't waste your energy. The future has yet to be and you don't know what it will hold. You can't predict it so don't waste your energy. All you have is right now. Here. This moment. So live it. Keep your mind focused on it. And just deal with what is happening right now. Don't worry about the craving that hasn't happened yet....it may never happen. Don't think about how happy you were smoking....it's romanticizing the past and the addiction.
It's not supposed to be anyway other than how it is. And how it is...well, it's ok. You have everything you need to get through this moment. You are knowledgeable, you are prepared, you are strong enough to handle right now. Isn't that great?!!
Sure, you may really, really want a quit that's painless, over in a week, and a walk in the park. But our greatest moments come while stepping out of our comfort zone. Lessons are learned through struggles. And strength of character is built through challenges. Life is not a fairy tale but it certainly is interesting!! Slow down and enjoy the journey.