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All People > Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 > Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 Blog > 2018 > August > 17

I Hurt Too

Posted by Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 Aug 17, 2018

~~A heart that hurts is a heart that works.~~  Unknown


This is what I do when I am hurting.  I write it all out.  From beginning to end I work out my emotions through words.  And the last two days of work have been disheartening, frustrating, heartbreaking, draining.  All secondary, of course, except for a parent who is fighting me tooth and nail.  I have cried with parents, consoled caregivers, encouraged case workers, explained to my boss.  I have held screaming children, rubbed the back of one vomiting, sympathized with a heartbroken teen, and assisted a comp assessor.

All in two days.  I run this center by myself.  I have no volunteers yet and no coworkers except for a girl who is supposed to come on Thursdays and she does about once a month.  

I never once in the past two days thought of smoking.  Not because I'm 'better' than anyone who does.  Obviously not!!  But I've replaced that go-to over 5 years ago.  So now?  I write it all out.  I reach out to my grown children.  I do yoga.  I deep breath A LOT.  I drink water.  I sit out in nature.  I turn to things I love...automatically and without fail.

My heart still hurts right now.  It's supposed to.  That's what happens when situations occur like those here.  Hurting is normal!!  It should be felt.  It should be acknowledged.  It should be respected.  Live it.  

And then, when it's eased, you can nod and tell yourself you got through it once more.

A heart that hurts really is a heart that works.  I'm thankful that I am how I am.  I care about people.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  But it doesn't mean that I don't hurt, cry, feel, or crumble.  I do.

But I don't smoke.  

It takes 21 days to develop a habit, whether good or bad.  Start developing your habits to replace smoking.  Because you don't do that anymore  



~~The real value of setting goals is not the recognition or reward, it's the person we become by finding the discipline, courage, and commitment to achieve them.~~    Unknown


"I'm sorry I let you down".  

"I finally gave in".

"I hid..."

"I waited...."


When I read someone lost their quit, I don't think that they let me down no matter how many times I congratulated them for each quit milestone.  I don't think that they are failures and I certainly don't think that they are losers.


And for those of you who have lost that precious quit, you shouldn't think so either.  Honestly, I think beating yourself up just makes it easier to smoke really because at least you feel bad about it.  Right?


You have to start over.  And when you decide to start over, please start over with the right mind set.  Don't think that if you don't start over we won't like you or we won't respond to you or you won't look like you're trying.


When you start over, find the discipline, courage, and commitment to quit successfully.  No more "I hope I can do it this time".  No more "I think I've got it".


When you quit, be disciplined.  No excuses, no wavering.  No maybes.  Honor your commitment and courageously stay your quit course.  It's the only way to quit successfully, you see.  It's all about personal achievement, not popularity.  It's about integrity, not 'fingers crossed'.  It is about actively living a life that does not involve nicotine NO. MATTER. WHAT.


So when you set your quit, remember that its all about discipline, courage, and commitment.  That's what will keep your quit.  We can't.  Feeling bad about yourself won't.  And keeping that door cracked to 'I failed again' will only keep your relapse cycle moving in circles.


Discipline.  Courage.  Commitment.  All you need for your quit.