~~Dear self, Stop for a moment. Forgive yourself. You've been a little too hard on yourself lately. I know you're trying to grow into a new being but you have to be patient. Everything of value takes time to build. Stop feeling like something is wrong with you; you don't need to guilt trip yourself. You've already faced the demons and now you're just trying to find the right path. Be patient. You will overcome this moment.~~ Sylvester McNutt
I've read so much here about people beating themselves up because of their quit or lack of quit or wanting to quit. Everything from "I'm pathetic" to "I'm not strong" to "I'm very weak-willed". I have heard how you never do anything right and how your life sucks and you don't even want to try anymore.
Please, please stop!! Your poor heart is battered and bruised already. Stop keeping the wounds fresh.
First of all, much of that self-loathing simply comes from being addicted. That's all. Your addiction lies to you on a daily...even hourly...basis. Your brain needs that chemical to function. Or so it thinks So it will tell you anything in order to get the 'fix'. It doesn't mean you have to listen and it doesn't mean you have to believe what it tells you.
Second, you are being wayyyyyy to hard on yourself!! You may have lost your quit. You may be reluctant to quit at all. That doesn't mean you are stupid or pathetic. It means you need to educated yourself on addiction and you need the positive support that will assist you in your quit journey. And if you decide not to quit? You still need to treat yourself kindly. Because the more you love yourself, the more you will one day decide you deserve to live free of an addiction that may kill you.
Whether you are 20 or 35 or 50 or 80, you matter to the world. I hope that you understand that. You matter. The way you see yourself is sometimes how others will see you as well so see yourself as worthy. See yourself kindly. See yourself deserving of good things. See yourself courageous. See yourself strong. See yourself as you are.
We all have bad days but that doesn't mean we're bad. We all have self-doubts but that doesn't mean we're weak. We all have flaws but that doesn't mean we're flawed. We are perfect just the way we are.
So, please heal your battered and bruised heart with a little self-love. Be kind. Be gentle. Be patient. You are worth it.