Cricket

Constant Battle:

Blog Post created by Cricket on May 27, 2018

I have been having a very hard time for the last 30 days.  I pray to protect my quit everyday.  I am getting more and more depressed like I am gonna lose and I keep holding off saying anything to you guys because I don't want to be one of those people who crys out for attention.  I have been having fantasies about buying a pack of cigarettes and having a great big screw it smoke out.  The only thing that has stopped  me so far is knowing how rotten I would feel if I threw in the towel on all my progress and hard work.  I am feeling like failure is just a matter of time and having a hard time remembering why I quit in the first place.  This is my first quit, so I am having thoughts about everyone who got to try several times before THEY had to REALLY quit.  I am in big trouble and living on a wing and a prayer.  I have 105 days since I smoked my last cigarette but I can't claim to have 105 days of Freedom because I certainly do not feel free!

I am sad and angry that it is so very hard on me.

I even asked my smoking teacher if I could visit his class and he asked me to wait two more weeks!  I'm not sleeping well and my blood feels keyed up most of the time.  I think about giving up two or three times everyday...  I had such a positive attitude when I first quit and I cant seem to get it back..  what do I do now?!

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