My Smoke Free Life - Episode 7

Blog Post created by CrazyQuitter on Sep 20, 2020

I finally blocked my Ex boyfriend last Friday. He hasn't really changed at all. The same story where the relationship ends. But I end up getting blamed for his mistakes. He also told me commitment wasn't my strong suit. But that makes me feel put down and insulted because when we were together the first time I gave up my whole life to be with him. Yet he won't try and at least visit me for 2 weeks. He would not have done it even if the boarders are open. When I poured my heart out to him on messages on skype all he could say was that he was writing a track. He couldn't give two ***** about me.

Anyways for me it's just wise to block him everywhere online and block his number on my cell phone. I got my own issues to worry about.


Speaking of issues I drank heavily over the weekend and last night I had another breakdown. I know I need all the help I can get. Back in 2014 I took a full year abstinent from alcohol and it worked wonders for me. I quit  smoking 7 and a half years ago and it worked wonders for me. I am seriously thinking of at least going 2 years without alcohol. I don't know  when it will start. But I am seriously thinking about it. I have an appointment with my Doctor this week and I am hoping I can get referred to a pretty good psychologist. I think that after being in a controlling relationship back in my early 20s started a small chain of events. I had 2-3 more relationships that had failed along with the death of my beloved Grandmother back in 2016. Plus with COVID I just feel emotionally stuck, depressed, isolated and just wanting to shut myself off from the world. I can't just travel to the beach or anything like  that and I live on my own.  I hope to see my friends again. But it's hard because my shift-work at work is all over the place because half the time I don't know when I'll be working. My job is known to mess up my routines. AT the same time I am thankful I got one. There are so many people in my town who do not have a job or can't work due to a physical and or mental illness. The only thing that seems to keep me together is the music. My collaboration with an artist is nearly finished. That is my only good news. 

When it comes to my drinking I do have some healthy habits. If I have alcohol left over and don't plan to drink again for a while I tip out all of my leftover alcohol to get some kind of control going. I gain so much by doing this. I also put away all my wine glasses in the shed to discourage myself from falling off the wagon. I have had to be cold about it. There is no way I am drinking tonight.


I have a question for all of you. Aside from the naked mind website do you all know of any resources that might help me out with the drinking problem? I find the naked mind community hard to deal with and I feel I am not getting the help I need just by corresponding with my alcohol Councillor. I got a negative feeling about the people who are on that site. I am open to any recommendations where here are sites with much more supportive people on it.