Tonight I start my 60MG of anti depressants and my first course of Naltrexone. Right now I am still feeling pretty depressed and feeling a bit fearful about not drinking while I am transitioning into my upped anti depressant dosage.
I am an emotional roller coaster still and they are still working on getting me a psychologist. I have these terrifying violent thoughts in my head, which I refused to act on. I have too much unfinished business. I wish I never had to go through any of this.
I hope I start feeling better tomorrow. But with anti-depressants they just take MONTHS to take effect. This dosage could take Months. But when I feel better I hope my alcohol consumption will be easier to deal with. I am under the depressive radar with many people.
An ex friend got back in touch with me today. I couldn't remember why we had fallen out. But I am glad we are talking again. I really need my friends right now. AND I need all of you.
I wish this lockdown and covid will simply (and I excuse my french) F OFF! my routine is all over the place with doing 3 scattered night shifts a week and some of my past coming back to haunt me from when I was in an abusive relationship years ago. Living and spending time alone is even more isolating.
I wasn't going to get out of bed today. But I forced myself to so I could spend the morning with my mum. I'd feel worse if I didn't try to sieze the day. Well tomorrow is another one.
