CrazyQuitter

My Smoke Free Life - Episode 2

Blog Post created by CrazyQuitter on Sep 3, 2020

My mental health has taken a turn. Last night I drank way too much wine and had a mild psychotic episode. I was in hospital for hours. I had to be assessed Because I was suicidal, which is very sad indeed.

I am known to have these quite often and it usually happens when I drink. But on the positive side I am going to get some help with a plan. I heard that you can take a pill for when you drink to prevent psychotic breakdowns. But I am worried I wont feel typsy on it. I sound like a complete alcoholic. I feel like I am not good enough because I drink. Right now I am feeling completely cut off from the world, which is how I feel after an episode. I do have my good days with this.

 

On a brighter note. Another artist as asked me to collaborate on another one of his tracks. He is asking for breathy vocals, which is pretty cool. Another positive is that I am also planning to spray paint a mirror.

I am hoping to get started on all my projects this week.

 

I am questioning my relationship with my Boyfriend. He is 38 years old and still hasn't left the nest. He has made it harder on himself to move out, relying on government housing to get in  touch with him regarding a place to rent at a cheaper rate. Even in a small town the rent pricing has gone up so it's even harder for me to relocate.

I am questioning my future with my boyfriend. We have had the talk and he has said that there is no way he is moving to my town because of his dad. I have refused to go back up to where he is to live because I have already tried that before and I need to be close to my mum and stepdad. I would like to eventually get married and have children. But my boyfriend doesn't seem too keen on having a child. SO yeah everything is all up in the air, complicated and we're in a long distance relationship.

 

I have a history of depression and anxiety, which got worse after an emotionally abusive relationship I had between 2006 and 2008. I feel like this hasn't left me. But I do have my good days and bad days. I am in my mid 30s and I am already undergoing physical and mental health issues.

 

Anyway, this week I am planning to try and be as productive as I can to be happier and try to enjoy my life.

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