So here I am again. I think my last attempt must have been a post and run. Ironically, I posted about never quitting quitting, and I am now only considering one last try. I think at this point I am tired of all the "day ones". I'm tired of psyching myself up to quit, only to give in some time later in a moment of desperation. I'm tired of the excuses."I'm too old", "I'm too stressed", "I'm gonna wait til the kids grow up", "quitting will trigger cancer", "I'm too scared".....Of freaking what?! I'm still at the point where I despise myself at the end of the day for chain smoking until I have a headache, and I'm terrified of being the old lady who takes off the oxygen mask to smoke, and I swear come hell or high water that I am done, and the next morning it's, "not today". The thought of quitting makes me light up.
If I make sure I have no access to cigarettes, or dip, or anything, I eventually become a raging, crying lunatic. But the part of me that truly wants to quit is getting close to not caring. Part of me wants to throw everything out the door and say "suck it up cupcake". (For reference, the first time I actually quit was with hypnosis, and since I did it in a house with 3 other smokers, I seem to have some delusion that I can do that cold turkey, still not smoking even with it in the house).
I guess I'm not sure where to go with a new quit plan. I've tried hypnosis, Wellbutrin, dip ,unsuccessful cold turkey, unsuccessful nrt, easyway. Is nrt just going to make me want to smoke, even if I use lozenges too? How do you change your entire routine cold turkey when you have multiple children, one who is a toddler?