I have been very cranky recently, the first week and a half went by relatively easily. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe this was because my expectations were so built up that in reality it seems like I was getting off easy. My sleep was disturbed, I was extra fidgety and anxious, I had cravings and some mood swings but mostly I was excited and proud of myself and flying high that I finally quit smoking and so felt like I could do anything. Now I feel a real dip. I'm increasingly cranky the last few days, I'm fatigued, I get cravings that feel less like wishing I could smoke and feel more like I want to be done with this quitting thing already, they feel like I want to sabotage this so things can go back to how they were before. Anyways, I listen to the advice I find on here, I remember my reasons for quitting, mostly I remember that I'm doing a very good thing for myself and I chew some gum and I get busy and take my mind off it. All that still isn't so bad, like I've had harder times lol, but I have to acknowledge it so I can stay in front of it and never ever smoke another cigarette again ever. The voices come back saying "See you quit, it wasn't so bad, you weren't addicted as badly as you thought, so you can quit again if you had to and now you can smoke occasinally or just here or just here" and the voices that say " you're worthless, look how unhealthy you are anyways, nothing matters, why even try, just enjoy yourself now while you can, not worth the effort or planning for the future"
and I just have to remember that that is not an option, I know deep down I am feeling freedom, that this is living the most free and in the present that I ever have, so I'm sticking with my decision to live life FOR ME, to stand up to myself for myself and to never ever ever smoke again.
