Christine13

The Ultimate Betrayal

Blog Post created by Christine13 on Aug 22, 2018

Remember my Forever Man, who passed away January 1st, 2018?  He is no longer my forever man.

Yesterday I was looking through his drawers and found 3 DVD's of our family.  One was marked with the date 2010-11.

On that DVD, there was a video of a woman, about my age, who looked very similar to me - same hairstyle, same makeup, no wedding ring, and she was obviously his  girlfriend altho, I know they were together in person too.  I confirmed it with his brother.  It was when I was so sick with cancer and chemo and radiation.  I feel betrayed, sad, angry, and worthless.  His brother said it was a very dark time for him, and he was just trying to hang on until I'd be ok.  I look at everything in our house, all his artwork, and all the things he loved, and see it in a different way now.  I have called my councillor and she is calling me back to talk.  She says, she has to say some things that will make me feel better.  To think I went out for a coffee with a male friend the other day, and we just talked he was an old friend.  I won't feel guilty now if I want to move on with someone else.  Maybe I was supposed to find it.  I always looked for concrete evidence, now I have it.  Closure or permission to move on?  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.    I smoked, so Dale this is my biggest excuse ever!!  I can't tell you the pain and anguish I feel.  I've gotta be careful this doesn't send me into a deep depression.  Was it all a lie?  The love I thought we shared since I was 17?  

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