The Ultimate Betrayal

Blog Post created by Christine13 on Aug 22, 2018

Remember my Forever Man, who passed away January 1st, 2018?  He is no longer my forever man.

Yesterday I was looking through his drawers and found 3 DVD's of our family.  One was marked with the date 2010-11.

On that DVD, there was a video of a woman, about my age, who looked very similar to me - same hairstyle, same makeup, no wedding ring, and she was obviously his  girlfriend altho, I know they were together in person too.  I confirmed it with his brother.  It was when I was so sick with cancer and chemo and radiation.  I feel betrayed, sad, angry, and worthless.  His brother said it was a very dark time for him, and he was just trying to hang on until I'd be ok.  I look at everything in our house, all his artwork, and all the things he loved, and see it in a different way now.  I have called my councillor and she is calling me back to talk.  She says, she has to say some things that will make me feel better.  To think I went out for a coffee with a male friend the other day, and we just talked he was an old friend.  I won't feel guilty now if I want to move on with someone else.  Maybe I was supposed to find it.  I always looked for concrete evidence, now I have it.  Closure or permission to move on?  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.    I smoked, so Dale this is my biggest excuse ever!!  I can't tell you the pain and anguish I feel.  I've gotta be careful this doesn't send me into a deep depression.  Was it all a lie?  The love I thought we shared since I was 17?