As some of you know already, my Forever man Brian passed away at 7:20 p.m. on January 1st, peacefully in his sleep with me and my oldest daughter Tara by his side. He didn't want any heroic measures. Took him to hospital Christmas Eve, he was very exhausted and had trouble breathing. He was coughing and coughing and coughing. Finally he asked me if I had any cough medicine, I gave his a tablespoon of Nyquil and that quieted his cough and he was able to sleep sitting up. We had one final visit with our daughter Tara, grandson Caiden and husband Scott in the afternoon and it was a good one. After they left in the afternoon his breathing got worse and I called an ambulance. They checked his oxygen and heart and everything was fine. But when he tried to walk two steps to get on the commode it was evident to the paramedics he was in big trouble. We got to the hospital shortly after. He saw the clock strike midnight and he said he felt shitty and he didn't care about the New Year. Tara (my daughter) and I came home to sleep.
When I went back to the ER in the morning they said they were very worried about him and put him on a BI-Pap machine which he hated because it made him claustrophobic. They were going to transfer him and put him in intensive care. He said to he doctor if he took the mask off he would die, and he ripped it off his head. Then I said he doesn't want any heroic measures or intensive care. For the next couple of hours he struggled with his breathing and he kept asking for help please. They finally gave him comfort care, and hydro-morphene and scoplomine and then he was a lot easier but he couldn't speak. They moved us into a beautiful private room, where after stroking his head and telling him we were meant to be and he was my forever man, and that his Mom and Dad were on the other side waiting for him, and I'll see you in my dreams, he passed peacefully.
Today I give the ulogy a celebration of his life. It's suitable that the funeral today is on what we called Freedom Fridays because they were the days his pump was disconnected from his port for the weekend. So it's Freedom Friday today for Brian and we will all go out and celebrate at our favorite restaurant our treat.
The funeral should be beautiful with the Song November Rain, Gun's and Roses, Wild Horses, the Rolling Stones, and Time In a bottle by Jim Croshe. It will be hard, but I am prepared to start my new life by travelling to see friends and family, maybe joining a gym, and going back to Yoga.
Thank you all for your prayers, I will remain strong. I had my first smoke free Christmas, but relapsed New Year's Eve.
I may start my Freedom 2018 today, but may wait a few days first.
Sending Love to all my EX family especially Ellen and Marilyn.
xoxoxo
Chrissie
