I have been craving bad today, for about 3 days actually. Thursday, Friday were very stressful days, and I thought I'd come through that ok finally on Friday night. No, I didn't smoke. I didn't drink either. For some reason today has been especially bad for me. I can't go to my usual things like gum, or chips or crunchy foods because of my gum biopsies last Monday. My junkie thinking is telling me to go and get some and smoke this feeling away. After all I deserve a smoke cause I've been so good. You know...........a reward!! But wait a minute, I don't need that kind of reward, one that could eventually kill me-do I? My junkie says I'm going to die anyway. Wait..........STOP..........Last Monday when I was about to have those biopsies I told the Dr. I'd stopped smoking. It felt so good to tell him that. I smell so good, I don't have to keep running outside to feed my addiction. Most days don't feel like this. I really don't want to go through all of this heartache again. ah.........yes, I remember Marilyn's words the only way out is through. I thought I'd managed to convince myself that this wasn't so bad, tough but not that bad. It's dang tough............Somehow I will find the strength to make it through this night. I sure don't want to start from day one again, and I know after the first pack or two I'd want to quit again. It just seems to be getting to me tonight. All this mental bargaining is wearing me out...........so I DECIDE to take the high road.........no smoking for me tonight after all. Thanks for letting me share.