Hiiii, my Ex family. Just wanted to let you know I'm hanging in there with my quit. Stressful days again, because
Brian is sick again. When I saw him taking his nebulizer yesterday I just sat here and watched. Feeling sad and lost that he has to do this. It struck me that I will have to do the same thing one day if I don't stay quit.
He has to get on more antibiotics today, and I'm going in with him when he sees the Dr. Sometimes it feels like I am his mommy there to make sure he doesn't get a prescription that he is allergic to and he is to many. He's getting very tired of fighting his illnesses, and the other night I thought I might loose him in the night. I am praying he will be all right again and that his depression will lift too. I will stay strong and not give in!! I will be sure to get out for a 1/2 hour walk today. Lately this week I have been pre greaving. Every time I realize that the end of his life is coming and that there won't be any more bouncing back for him, and that I will be alone to carry on I get sad. My emotions and tears are close to the surface. All I can do is pray for at least another six months with him. I feel so helpless that I can't do anything to help him other than love and give him empathy and sympathy and take care of him in the best way possible. I don't want to be alone!!! I feel like I will go crazy when I finally do loose him. Giving it up to God here,
Gotta learn to let him be the one in charge.
