Christine13

Hanging in there today!

Blog Post created by Christine13 on Jul 26, 2017

Hiiii, my Ex family.  Just wanted to let you know I'm hanging in there with my quit.  Stressful days again, because

Brian is sick again.  When I saw him taking his nebulizer yesterday I just sat here and watched.  Feeling sad and lost that he has to do this.  It struck me that I will have to do the same thing one day if I don't stay quit.

He has to get on more antibiotics today, and I'm going in with him when he sees the Dr.  Sometimes it feels like I am his mommy there to make sure he doesn't get a prescription that he is allergic to and he is to many.  He's getting very tired of fighting his illnesses, and the other night I thought I might loose him in the night.  I am praying he will be all right again and that his depression will lift too.  I will stay strong and not give in!!  I will be sure to get out for a 1/2 hour walk today.  Lately this week I have been pre greaving.  Every time I realize that the end of his life is coming and that there won't be any more bouncing back for him, and that I will be alone to carry on I get sad.  My emotions and tears are close to the surface.  All I can do is pray for at least another six months with him.  I feel so helpless that I can't do anything to help him other than love and give him empathy and sympathy and take care of him in the best way possible.  I don't want to be alone!!!  I feel like I will go crazy when I finally do loose him.  Giving it up to God here,

Gotta learn to let him be the one in charge.

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