CarynS

It was all in my head?!?

Blog Post created by CarynS on May 8, 2019

I barely remember I was a smoker.

Between February 20-something and today, I have about 1 craving per day and it's not really even for a cigarette, more for a dopamine boost. I subconsciously stand up to go out or something and forget that dont even realise where I was going. So not a cigarette but more like a behaviour/ habit.

I smoked for 20 years, I had NO IDEA quitting was this easy. We've been scammed by commercials and stories of another's failed attempts- by our own addict mind. It was all a trick. It was simply the mind of a drug addict, tricking me to keep smoking.

I wish I knew 20 years ago. I wish i had considered cold Turkey 20 attempts ago. I thought it would be terrible, the worst. It sucked but not nearly as bad as I thought and it was barely a few days. Way less worse than the gum and patch torture I put myself through for months over the years. The Chantix nonsense, dreams, insomnia, nausea... the disgusting lozenges that I would spit into a bottle instead of swallowing. The torture of cutting down one per day... all worse than a few cold Turkey days.

I wish I could have heard the other people who said what I'm saying right now. 

Addiction is funny that way. It didn't, couldn't apply to my special situation. My quitting was different. They didnt smoke the way I did. My addict brain literally turned me off from hearing people say that quitting is as easy as deciding to stop and meaning it. I wouldn't even entertain such nonsense. 

And now here I am. I already know I won't smoke again. It's not even a question. I dont count days, I dont consider time or dollars spent ir to spend, none of it. I just dont give smoking space in my brain. It does however continue to fascinate me that I was so addicted that i couldn't see that I was trapped, imprisoned by addiction. And that it was as easy as opening an unlocked jail cell- that's it!! What!?!

I'm not bragging, I'm fascinated that I was my own enemy. My own addict. All this time this was all in my head. I know no one can hear anyone else until they're ready, but if I could have heard this, where would I have been so many attempts before now?! I'm kinda shocked really.

Anyway, i know this can change, and I'm diligent to keep my eye on the prize. I keep checking in and researching this site, whyquit, research studies on effects, etc. I just figured I'd share just on case anyone could hear what I could not. And also so I can reference this later, if I need to.

 

Oh, and PS that I just dragged my best friend along. She's 2 weeks cold Turkey tomorrow. I helped with navigation, she did the hardwork and is also doing great. 

 

Best to all of us!!

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