I don’t even think I should be on this site

Blog Post created by Carmensan on Jan 18, 2019

Been failing daily. I don’t know who can relate to this. Going to blog about just in case there are others like me out there. I feel like I’m smoking more maybe because I have this “I’m going to quit tomorrow” stuck in my head to the point I’m making up so much excuses to smoke that “ just one more stick “ cigarette.  


Maybe my job is stressful as working for customer service. You have many idiots with no common sense. You got yourself on repeat. Sometimes I feel like I should record my self just so I can play it back for these customers that keep having to have me repeat myself. 

This one lady got mad at me because her hair dryer was broken. Long story short... I had to keep a smile on my face, hold my composure annnnd she asked me to return her time... not to be mean but I’m more like “ look here b**** , no one is gonna care how your f***** hair looks lik”  and like I can return her time.. (rolling eyes) in my head of course. Anyway, I have more stories to tell about these kinds of situations but this is not the point of my blog lol gonna stick to becoming an ex and not make this a venting sesh or blog lol 


Since in hard headed. Nothing scares me. But then I’m scared to be hooked on to a life support machine but half of me is like, well other people go through them so if I did, I’ll have to go through it like everyone else. 

Everybody has their time to expire and it’s set but we just don’t know. When and how your gonna go. 


Not or sure if my low self esteem has a lot to do with this. I have my occational outburst of social anxiety. I’m surprised I’m okay to work as a customer service agent. Good at what I do. When work is done I don’t even want to see people. I don’t want to go out even to eat at restaurants. I like online shopping and online bill pay is so awesome. When I go out and service sucks it pissed the crap out of me because of the work I do I end up feeling it isn’t fair to be treated so ****** when at work I’m not allowed to put some customers in their place .. freaking brats lol not allowed to treat people like **** cus what comes around goes around. My mind is running wild even as I sleep.. so I smoke 


anyway I can go on and on about ransom crap so I’ll just end this here


im having a hard time quitting. And everyone saying it’s so easy just go cold turkey ... battling with my self every time I pick up a cig.. it’s bavk to square one. Or I feel gross smoking I’m really gonna quit after this ( on repeat)  smh I do have an addictive personality so it doesn’t help 

I experimented with all kinds of bad stuff and gladly I’m happy to have quit all of those and I’m suck with cigs 


this is my big project.. mission quit cigs! I hope it’s not to late for me. And I hope I can still do this 


I bought me a planner.. I hope it’ll work lol