CaptchaGremlin

Day -1

Blog Post created by CaptchaGremlin on Nov 18, 2019

So, hi. I'm CaptchaGremlin. A little background may be in order here, as this is my first post at all on here. I'm 40, and started smoking when I was 13. I have a terribly addictive attitude, and at one point in my life was choosing cigarettes over food. I tried to quit smoking a few times in my younger 20's, when my father had his first heart attack, but I only lasted around 3 days. I tried to quit again a few years later, when he had his third heart attack, and lasted almost a week. The last time I really tried to quit I was 27. My father had had his fifth, and final, heart attack. He was 47. I was so stressed out between then and the funeral that I was pacing my front yard in ten degree temperatures, sucking down 2-3 packs a day. I tried to quit after the funeral, but the stress was too bad and I just blew it off as "I chose the wrong time to quit."ave

 

When I was around 32 I started going to hookah lounges. I was taking down 2-3 bowls of tobacco as well as 3 packs of cigarettes a day for around 3 months before I started getting migraines. I realized it was the tobacco, so I decided to switch from cigarettes to vaping. Started sucking down the 36mg fluid, the highest nicotine amount they were making at the time. It wasn't an easy switch, but every time I caved and smoked a cigarette the migraines would remind me that it wasn't a good idea.

 

It's been 8 years since I started vaping. My original plan was to work my way down and eventually quit completely, but I could never get myself completely down. I am now at 3mg, so it's a HUGE improvement, but so many things are changing in the vaping industry. We don't know if they're going to ban the flavors, even though the tobacco ones taste like licking a foot that's been in an ashtray, and the menthol ones just taste like swishing liquid nutrisweet. Not at all what anyone wants.

 

About three weeks ago I got the flu for the first time in my life. I couldn't breathe. I ended out in the ER, getting an inhaler for the asthma that caused me trouble maybe once ever 5 years or so. It was by far the worst attack I've ever had. I realized then that I needed to quit. I've been trying to get my head in the right space to quit, but I only had a minor interest, just a voice in the back of my head saying I SHOULD, but no real reason or motivation. An addict's mind is terrifying when the inability to breathe isn't enough motivation.

 

Then I had a doctor's appointment on Friday to get a check up after the flu. Ears are infected, sinuses are infected, and vaping isn't helping any of it clear. Doc told me that I should quit, and then just brushed past it. Probably expected me to be like "Why would I quit vaping? Lungs have problems medicines can fix." She was honestly really surprised when I started trying to get more info about quitting. She wrote me a prescription for patches, but didn't really offer any other info or help. 

I figured Friday would be my last day vaping, but due to a few prescription issues, I didn't get the patches til today. 

 

I'm actually really excited about quitting, but with the way this has gone for me in the past I'm also very nervous about failure. My father's doctor outright said the two main contributors in his death were his inability to quit inhaling steak, and his refusal to quit smoking. I have four kids. I can't end out like that. Especially in the time frame. He was only seven years older than I am now. I'm the same age he was when he had his first heart attack. 

 

I decided that one of the best ways for me to get over this will be to substitute the habits. I've been heading to the gym once a week or so for a few months. Starting tomorrow, it's going to be daily. I actually like the gym, so this will be a nice way to make sure I don't put on too much weight, since my other habit switch is going to be sucking down suckers. I know, everyone says sugar free gum, but I need the stick. I need something I can use with the whole hand/mouth habit. I'll probably get some sugar free gum as well, but that's going to mostly be for if I need my hands for something, like typing. As of now, if I'm typing, I just reach for my vape and take the second away from the computer. Not having that requirement may end out being rewarding enough that gum may work during those times. Maybe not. Maybe I'm just being too optimistic, but there's no way for me to know what works for me until I'm glaring at my screen nearly screaming that it doesn't work, or until I realize my work is done and I didn't chew off one of my own arms. Either way. 

 

But tonight is it. I've been smoking or vaping for 27 years. It's time for me to take better care of my health, and tomorrow will be one of the biggest steps towards that. Wish me luck, and if anyone actually finished reading this monster of a blog post, thanks!

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