I confess that, like so many other quitters, I kept an emergency stash for ‘just in case’ which I discovered yesterday.
I tackled the pantry – long overdue and SO satisfying when it’s clean and beautiful and straight with no half packets of ancient couscous, expired cans, recipe books nice and straight…you know what I mean. (It also means I haven’t done a proper full clear out for 484 days but let’s not go there!!)
During the unpacking of said untidy pantry … I FOUND A FULL PACK OF CIGS!!!!
I suddenly remembered putting it away last year February 27th when I quit, thinking “just a comfort to know they’re there”. I also remember 5 weeks later hunting for them and being unable to find them. I had no memory of where I’d hidden them. So that wish for a smoke also passed unanswered within a few minutes.
Upon my discovery yesterday, I called Derek and asked him to witness and praise and support me as I opened this sealed navy blue pack of Dunhill somethings, took out all 20 and held them under the tap till soaked. Chucked in garbage and DONE. OVER.
It was the most UNDERWHELMING event in my smoke-free life so far. I don’t know what I expected… the band to play? A drum-roll? A sneaky tear trickling down my cheek? Derek the cheerleader? NOTHING. He looked, he saw, he walked away back to what he was busy with. (Gee thanks hey!) And I continued with the pantry.
Moving on – ANETTE THANK YOU FOR YOUR BLOG “Do One Thing”. It could not have arrived in my inbox on a better morning. I woke up with an anxiety attack and depression and felt very sorry for myself for waking up at all. Some mornings are like that when the depression is out of control. I’m not happy that I survived the night but I’ve never done anything to try to change that outcome.
I haven’t shared with all of you yet that we’re going through seriously troubled times financially. We had to put our house on the market (25 years of happy living here) and accepted an offer last week. When this whole process is over, we should be perfectly fine again. Tightened belts but fine.
When this started I immediately, in my best Office Administrator fashion, opened a spread sheet and started making lists. Huge lists. As in: Check townhouse complexes. Phone and visit retirement centres. Phone self-storage places. List what goes into storage. Search for possible Granny flats. Clear out Derek’s workshop. Do a comprehensive budget. Start collecting boxes. Buy bubble wrap and packaging tape. The lists of phone calls I have to make, people to advise, banks to contact have caused me to simply shut down and retreat into my shell.
That was only a little sample of my lists – just know they are long and complicated and totally OVERWHELMING. The result is that I’ve done nothing (except sell the house and clean the pantry ).
Thanks to Annette, I will now pick one item off my list every night and go to bed knowing THAT is the one thing I will be doing the next day. I will no longer go to bed too terrified to face the many things. If “one thing” leads to another or 2 others, great. If not, that’s OK. I only committed to “one thing”.
THANKS AnnetteMM – I’m very, very grateful for that simple but lifesaving advice.
One step at a time. One day at a time. Much as I quit smoking right? Baby steps. One step then another will get me where I have to be. And smoke-free to boot!!
And, for me, this is how this site works. You may scroll through new blogs to keep up with quitting events and suddenly, one blog that's not obviously aimed at helping fellow quitters, jumps out and bites you right where you need it!
Love to all my buddies here!
Have a happy and productive smoke free day!