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All People > Bree19 > Bree19 's Blog > 2017 > October

My quit is real!

Posted by Bree19 Oct 9, 2017



Husband’s had a niggly cough for a few months.  Wouldn’t go to the doctor – besides, his singing voice wasn’t affected so the cough was only bothering me.  Last Friday the cough turned nasty.  Last night he coughed so much he started hurling and shivering/shaking.   One very long and awake night later I phoned our GP at 7 this morning and could see him at 11:30. 


Do you know, through the entire night of staying awake, keeping Derek warm, making tea, listening to his breathing when he dozed, helping him when he coughed himself awake, pushing my panic right down, trying NOT to think of Thomas Thomas3.20.2010 and COPD ….. I did not ONCE even think of a cigarette?  The whole night – never slept.   Kathryn says my default mode used to be panic..smoke…panic some more.   Now it’s just pure panic…progress?


Anyhow long, short (Whahahaha!!), Dr thoroughly examined him, told us he’s virtually certain it’s bronchopnuemo-long word infection but sent us to x-rays anyway (what fun waiting ……..zzzzzzz ……at radiology for the report).  Tried to leave to go back to Dr. with pics.   Dead battery – Einstein here left the lights on.  3 Burly young men push-started me in reverse (very proud of myself – been YEARS since I clutch-started the car).  Got to gate to leave hospital – parking ticket gone.  Joy.  Literally burst into tears in her face and she just let us through – bless her. 


But my blog point - while waiting in the car for Kat and Derek (thanks for not pointing out my head lights were on, pedestrians/smokers!) I had a good view of the smoking area outside and watched them come and go...and come back again – wheelchairs, crutches, walkers, drips.  Watched them light up, take that first long deep drag, the puffing, the ashing and then killing it and hobbling back in.  It astonishes me that I ever smoked.  My quit is solid.  But I’m not complacent. I will be in recovery the rest of my life.


Those poor pathetic people sucking that poison into their lungs – I could only sit and shake my head and wonder how I could have done that to myself for 40+ years.  I watched them, tasted it, remembered the feeling of lighting up but not once wished for my own smoke.


Yes I did the work, I made the commitment, stuck to the advice, read myself into a whole new pair of stronger spectacles, used my quit-kit, prepared properly but it would not have worked without your encouragement and wisdom.  Which is why I still haven’t skipped one day since Feb27 – I come to read every single day.  Thank you Elders and all my other buddies!  


If you are new to the site or starting your quit, or been here for a long time, PLEASE heed the advice available to you here, free of charge and given to us with genuine empathy and understanding.  They know whereof they speak.


Oh Derek will be fine by the way – bronchitis 3rd time in 82 years.  Turbo boosted anti-biotics and pro-biotics, a week’s rest, hydration and loving nursing from me (oh dear…help?)


Bree 223 DOF (7+ MONTHS!) and still staying smoke-free one day at a time.


Bree's journey continues

Posted by Bree19 Oct 4, 2017

Good morning EXer’s


Sun is shining, lawnmowers are going (love the sound), my cats are loving, my blind doggie (Crumble) is still lively and eating and going outside.  Derek has a listing so there will be a sale soon and some money coming in (last 12 months he only sold 2 properties – tough times.)  I’m still smoke free (219 days). 


Can I just repeat that?  I’M STILL SMOKE FREE AT 219 DAYS.  Thank you…thank you very much (Elvis style).


It’s October and breast cancer awareness month here (there too?).  So pink bows outside every 2nd or 3rd house tied to the fences.  It brightens everything.  I have no personal experience/family who had to battle the disease, but I wholeheartedly support the drive for awareness.  Since mid-September, we’ve also had a lot of yellow ribbons fluttering in the breeze for the start of Spring/Summer.  AND being October now, the Jacarandas are creeping out and the streets are amazing in the purple haze.


Getting out of bed and getting ready for the day is NO PROBLEM.  Going outside is happening but not gladly; but at least I DO go outside into the garden.  (AND I’ve twice taken the camera out jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 Dale!  It gives such a surprising perspective of things we live with every day! )  And the knees are feeling stronger again Giulia Giulia – I’m walking.


Leaving home in the car is a challenge and uses 3 tissues but I’m doing it – not a lot – doctor, wool shop, visiting Kat – not much else yet.  The diet’s gone to hell but I will tackle that again when I feel the same resolve as I did with quitting.  I followed the programme and enjoyed losing the weight before starting my quit.  But I had to concentrate on the quit more so I let the eating slide.  This too shall pass.


The Psych, bless the man, instead of increasing dosages of head meds, changed some things around and I’m simply starting to feel normal – not giddy, not manic, just ordinary.  The heart is beating at a normal rate and my chest hasn’t closed up for just about a week now.


I’m cooking again, crocheting up a storm, dressing first thing in the morning (yes, I was depressed enough to just stay in the pj’s all day – shame on me!)


I hated myself and most things/people around me.  That feeling’s GONE. 


Newbies (actually everyone) please take this to heart.  Take/use the advice and guidance from the Elders to educate yourself and to read and to commit, participate and stay close to the site. 


I never stopped, not even for a day, reading, reading, re-reading book-marked pages, watching what everyone was up to here on the site, reading the articles Thomas posts, liked and pledged as much as I could…and because of this group of people, ALL of you, I never, not once, felt like smoking.   I went through hell and back with panic, depression, thoughts of harming myself, wanting to run away (agoraphobia helped me NOT to do that!), but craves?...hardly ever…because I had all of you and your experiences to read every day and get me through a 30-second crave.


That’s all I have for now.  I’m blessed to have found you 9 months ago and you must never underestimate the value of your opinions on the site. 


Hugs and love to you all