I’M REALLY STARTING TO BELIEVE IN MY QUIT
Husband’s had a niggly cough for a few months. Wouldn’t go to the doctor – besides, his singing voice wasn’t affected so the cough was only bothering me. Last Friday the cough turned nasty. Last night he coughed so much he started hurling and shivering/shaking. One very long and awake night later I phoned our GP at 7 this morning and could see him at 11:30.
Do you know, through the entire night of staying awake, keeping Derek warm, making tea, listening to his breathing when he dozed, helping him when he coughed himself awake, pushing my panic right down, trying NOT to think of Thomas Thomas3.20.2010 and COPD ….. I did not ONCE even think of a cigarette? The whole night – never slept. Kathryn says my default mode used to be panic..smoke…panic some more. Now it’s just pure panic…progress?
Anyhow long, short (Whahahaha!!), Dr thoroughly examined him, told us he’s virtually certain it’s bronchopnuemo-long word infection but sent us to x-rays anyway (what fun waiting ……..zzzzzzz ……at radiology for the report). Tried to leave to go back to Dr. with pics. Dead battery – Einstein here left the lights on. 3 Burly young men push-started me in reverse (very proud of myself – been YEARS since I clutch-started the car). Got to gate to leave hospital – parking ticket gone. Joy. Literally burst into tears in her face and she just let us through – bless her.
But my blog point - while waiting in the car for Kat and Derek (thanks for not pointing out my head lights were on, pedestrians/smokers!) I had a good view of the smoking area outside and watched them come and go...and come back again – wheelchairs, crutches, walkers, drips. Watched them light up, take that first long deep drag, the puffing, the ashing and then killing it and hobbling back in. It astonishes me that I ever smoked. My quit is solid. But I’m not complacent. I will be in recovery the rest of my life.
Those poor pathetic people sucking that poison into their lungs – I could only sit and shake my head and wonder how I could have done that to myself for 40+ years. I watched them, tasted it, remembered the feeling of lighting up but not once wished for my own smoke.
Yes I did the work, I made the commitment, stuck to the advice, read myself into a whole new pair of stronger spectacles, used my quit-kit, prepared properly but it would not have worked without your encouragement and wisdom. Which is why I still haven’t skipped one day since Feb27 – I come to read every single day. Thank you Elders and all my other buddies!
If you are new to the site or starting your quit, or been here for a long time, PLEASE heed the advice available to you here, free of charge and given to us with genuine empathy and understanding. They know whereof they speak.
Oh Derek will be fine by the way – bronchitis 3rd time in 82 years. Turbo boosted anti-biotics and pro-biotics, a week’s rest, hydration and loving nursing from me (oh dear…help?)
Bree 223 DOF (7+ MONTHS!) and still staying smoke-free one day at a time.