Trying to come to terms with the news that my nephew (24 y/o) is back on drugs. He checked himself voluntarily into a Betel free rehab facility just outside Pretoria last October committing to a 3 year period – left after 5 months claiming all good and fully Christian out of the blue. – I THINK it’s an international rehab programme or maybe just Europe & SA? www.betelza.org
They offer all types of services to the public (think garden services//pool services//transport//car maintenance//courier services//furniture restoration etc) and addicts get clean, live, get trained and work there for free…no family contact for the first 6 months. So Ricci, being a qualified diesel mechanic was mostly working on-site maintaining all vehicles and mechanical equipment and getting clean and his parents received glowing reports weekly from the facility.
But in March he decided he didn’t need the programme anymore and discharged himself. He was completely clean – cigs, alcohol, weed. My brother still had to test him weekly. He got a great job at BMW in Pretoria, moved into his own little apartment and I thought all was well.
I was looking forward to a nice long visit with him next weekend to discuss my addiction and journey to freedom and learn more about his. Sort of felt I might find his addiction easier to understand and not only feel disappointed and helpless with each of his failed quits. Felt I was more equipped now to have that conversation. Thought we might even walk the road together?
Today I learnt that he’s full-on back on drugs/alcohol and the rest – which I thought was only weed & nicotine but now also turns out they never told me about a meth-something and another thing – I don’t remember the name.
My heart is broken. We’re close and always had a special bond, I thought. I told him last year on his way to Betel when he was ready to quit everything, that if he ever goes down the drug route again, I can’t/won’t have him in my house. Was that too harsh? Because now I have to follow through and I feel I’m deserting him. But empty threats have no value so I feel I must stick to my decision. But I’m torn.
Can anyone give me direction? How do I help mend him? How do I get through to him? How do I fix my family? I want to go to him but Derek is adamantly against that and I can’t drive yet. Do I leave it? Wait for him to get to rock-bottom? But what/where is rock-bottom?
My brother and niece have broken all ties with him but sis-in-law still takes him food when he asks. How does a mom ignore a hungry son? He blows his whole salary on rent and drugs and then “borrows” from Mom. My brother told her if she ever gives their son money again, their 27yr marriage is over! This could break up an entire family!! A happy, hard-working ordinary family. Things like this don’t happen in my family.
I’m not smoking over it, just crying. It’s so surreal. You read these heart-breaking stories about other people and wonder how and why they ‘LET’ it happen to their family…and maybe feel a bit smug & self-righteous. Now it’s MY family and I feel ill-equipped and helpless. I also want to smack him really hard if I could reach that high. REALLY HARD.
Thanks for listening. I'm sorry I didn't blog about my/your quits.