99 Days and counting

Blog Post created by Bree19 on Jun 6, 2017

Hello all.  Yes it’s really me and I’m blogging.  Not promising daily postings but I have to start participating, so this is it.


Is it common for people with clinical depression to fall flat on their faces during the quit process?  I’m a semi-survivor of this condition – have been for years.  But it’s well-managed by a savvy doctor and my medication is carefully controlled.  Psychologist on speed dial (kidding!) but I really do know how to stay some steps ahead of this disease.


However, seems while I was paying attention to my quit, I forgot to be mindful about my mental well-being.  I’ve gone and tripped into the depression hole and hit bottom again. 


As with quitting, vigilance is key with depression.  Recognise the first couple of symptoms and take action!  It's not as if I'm a newbie to Depression after all.  But I just let it sneak up on me and found myself very surprised last night when I realised I’m not psychologically well:


  • Staying inside – outside is a dangerous place – (I could very happily live as a shut-in)
  • Creative excuses when Derek suggests an outing
  • Not socialising at all with anybody – virtual or real – avoiding phone calls and all messages
  • Brooding about old slights and insults which I thought I’d forgotten about
  • Eating anything and everything one day and not eating for a day or 2 after that
  • Very rebellious – why should I drink water? Why should I stay on Weight Watchers?  Why is my daughter spending  Christmas with her in-laws in Cape Town and not with us?   Why should I do these rehab exercises?  Totally childishly rebellious and SO sorry for myself
  • Startle easily and over-reacting to anything unexpected – very skittish
  • Crying a lot
  • Could stay in pj’s all day every day – still fighting/winning that one
  • Daily mood swings are back – laughing, sulking, happy, irritable, angry etc
  • Sleep patterns are whacko – 3am I’m still reading and awake at 6am
  • Having naps like a baby at 12 noon – big surprise!
  • No longer go for walks


Actually quite a few of the samples of symptoms above also fit quit problems, don’t they?

The list is seemingly endless.  I’m just angry for allowing myself to fall all the way down without even recognising the symptoms on the way down.  So now I’m not only protecting my quit but having to pay attention to my mental state as well.


First tool in depression toolbox…plan ahead but only for tomorrow.    Last night I planned to drink water properly all day today, the way I'm used to and make sure there’s music on all day.  And those 2 goals are enough for today.  Tomorrow I will add a walk around the garden.  And slowly I WILL get out of the hole again all the way, holding on to my quit and not going back to the doctor.


Quitting, depression, pain, Weight Watchers…too many to cope with at the same time.  Seems I can only commit to one goal at a time.  What a rubbish statement that is!


So I’m saying, if you’re prone to Clinical Depression, stay vigilant as Marilyn reminds us to be about our quit.  Alert and vigilant and kind to yourself.  Take just a little bit of the kindness you show to others for yourself while always protecting your quit.