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2017
Bree19

Still on the Quitting Trail

Posted by Bree19 Apr 26, 2017

Hi all Bree's friends.

I'm Derek Brens husband.

Just want to let you all know she is in hospital where she had a knee replacement  All.went well and maybe tomorrow she will be moved from the High Care Ward to a normal ward. She will then be able to have her computer and she can be in touch with you great guys again.

Good luck to all you Quitters out there.

Derek

Not my quit.  My mind.

 

It's official;  this site but, more importantly, all of you = MY NEW ADDICTION!

We've been off-line for about 36 hours and I was pacing around like a caged animal.

 

Not that I needed help/guidance with cravings/wanting to smoke - didn't even think about a smoke.  (YAY!)

Just needed you at my fingertips.

 

What a joy I'll be in hospital next week - electronic free!!???  Unfortunately, theft is still a big problem in hospitals so no mobiles or laptops are safe.

Derek will have to bring my laptop with him every visit so that I can just stay in contact.  Imagine HIS joy watching me ignoring him!

 

No - will have to get over this like I'm getting over smoking.   One dose of medication at a time - hehehe.

Does it show how excited I am to be connected again?

 

Now to catch up and calm down.

Love to all 

Bree 50+ DOF

Bree19

Happy Dance!!

Posted by Bree19 Apr 18, 2017

50 days!  

Me?  It defies all logic and all Bree-like endeavours.  I don't stick to things.  I don't like 'joining' activities.  I give things the good old college try.....very excited, start with lots of energy and commitment and then it fizzles out after a week or a month.  By then I've proven to myself I can do it, whatever IT was, so now I can stop.  (Mostly diets)

But this quit of mine has now become very real and precious to me.  It's for life and I intend to see it through whether it's a short or long life.   I cry over blogs here on our site for 'my people' with diseases I had never heard of before - and I know I can still get them even though I've quit before they present themselves.  Every day is a gift - and a smoke-free gift at that!  

  I am just so freaking happy and proud and amazed (and clearly self-congratulatory),

 

Thank you EX-ers.   Could NOT have achieved this without you.   ONWARD!  

Bree19

Anyone fall out of bed lately?

Posted by Bree19 Apr 14, 2017

Twice in the last 10 days I woke up on my way to the floor.  The landing is painful all down my left side especially my Titanium knee.  It feels as if that knee takes ALL the impact (till today when all the painful places are making themselves known one by one).  

 

Since that knee was replaced 5 years ago, I’ve never been able to kneel so getting up is a genuine 10 minute struggle because the other knee has no cartilage and just rubs bone on bone (replacement next week 25 April). 

 

Now picture the scene - remember I’m a very big girl, I have 2 herniated disks to worry about and I’m half asleep, my heart’s hammering from the sudden fright, I’m trying (all at the same time) to wake up, sit up, check I didn’t kill my dog who sleeps right there, trying to wake my husband who sleeps with earplugs, trying (and failing) to pull myself up, holding onto the duvet (!!) and wondering where my mobile is.  Because even if I can wake my husband, he will not be able to get me up and I need to call burly young paramedics.

 

Anyway, managed to reach and grab onto the burglar bars and pulled myself up, but it freakin' HURT.  And hurts even more today.

 

One cup of tea later (notice no cigarette) and I’m back in bed.

 

That was a long preamble to my question – who’s fallen out of bed lately?   Because the last time this happened was in 2000 when a doctor told me adults only fall out of bed due to epilepsy or a brain tumour.  First port of call was the sleep lab and I was diagnosed with severe sleep Apnea – slept 12 minutes a night or some such ridiculous number.  Fitted with a C-Pap and went on my merry way…sleeping a wonderful 8 hours every night since  (and obviously decided there's no epilepsy or tumours)

 

But in the last year, since being retrenched last March, I sleep “violently”.  If I’m not hitting my husband, I’m destroying my bedside lamp – have to replace number 3 when the shops open tomorrow.  All other kinds of stuff land on my dog – tissue box, bottled water, earrings, alarm clock, mobile, kindle, specs.   I know I’m dreaming a lot but can remember none of them.  I know they’re upsetting dreams but remain a mystery.  I can’t blame quitting or smokemares – never had 1 of those.

 

So I really am just interested if anyone else experiences falling out of bed?  Do you think I should be concerned?  Tell a doctor?  Go back to the sleep clinic?  Any advice or insight welcomed.  Or a joke or witty come-back right now, will be welcome too gregp136

Bree19

Another Trigger Slayed!

Posted by Bree19 Apr 10, 2017

Hey-ho all!  

I know I should blog more but when I feel I have nothing worthwhile, witty or wise to say, I keep quiet and rely on your blogs to keep me smober. 

After some 40 (41/42? not sure) days, I was compelled to emerge from my hermit-like existence inside and brave the outdoors. My brother phoned Friday and said 6 weeks, enough already.  According to him (an ex-smoker for many years), 2 days are enough to build the bridge and get over it.  It's now been too long between visits and he needs us all to be together and to have a cook-out and that we may expect all 6 of them here yesterday by noon.  

I decided not to tell him to leave me alone and I also didn’t lecture him on how addiction works (for me).  Instead, I graciously accepted his "invitation" for all 6 of them to come and invade my peaceful existence.

My house has no front or back porch.  However, on the side of the house, just outside the kitchen door, is a large brick-paved area with an old tree slap-bang in the centre for shade.  We refer to this as our entertainment centre, veranda, porch, lapa, tree house, dining room.  Just tables, chairs, barbecue (we call it a braai) lots of potted plants and a generally sociable area.  

But whatever it should be called, it's where I smoked.  For 6 weeks I've only been using the front door to get to the car and back, avoiding my biggest trigger spot.

Of the 10 of us yesterday, only Ric's son-in-law smokes and he politely moved away from us (me) every time he lit up.

DID NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL.  Didn’t make me crave, wish, taste, imagine, remember…nothing.  I have one confession though, I once made a point of walking past him (closely) to catch the smell.   Don’t know what he smokes, I smelt nothing. 

So I’ve gained back "my place" for relaxing with coffee, cats and dogs, X-words, visiting and far away from all electronics.

It really did seem an insurmountable problem for me and I’ve stopped inviting friends over and giving very inventive reasons why I haven’t been available.  Seems I can mend some fences now and tell them all what I’ve been up to and to come back to our chatting tree.  They ALL smoke…so only one at a time to start.

Anyway, yesterday was a blast, music, wine, family, food, laughter  and I’m very grateful to Sean for giving me the opportunity to be around a smoker for the first time without having a melt-down.

Love you all and wishing you a happy smoke-free new week (short one, right?).

Bree

Ps - just checked - 42 days.

Hello folks.

My blog titled “26 days to knee surgery” was my last proper communication.  I went into shut-down mode/depression/tantrum/panic…call it what you will…. But…..  I stayed smoke-free!!!!!  It’s astonishing don’t you think? 

 

I’ve clawed my way out of the hole now – sorry that sounds over-dramatic – it was very dark in here for a week or 2.   I’ve re-read all your comments to that last blog.  It comforts and reassures me that I have way more friends and prayers and angels and light lined up for this surgery than for the last one – Love you all madly…I mean that sincerely.  All your positive messages and honest encouragement warms me and makes me talk to myself sternly about fear.  You all ROCK!

 

About my quit – My one real wholehearted quit in 2014 lasted 5 weeks.  I was my mom’s primary care-giver (Alzheimer’s) She passed away 5 weeks after I quit (I now know that’s no excuse!) and all the smoking cousins and friends surrounded me after the memorial service with love, hugs, condolences, admiration, compliments and MANY cigarettes on offer.  In their defense, I told no one about my quit 5 weeks earlier.  I just ignored my 5 hard-won weeks, and lit up.   Opened the wine, and that was the end of THAT quit trip.

 

This quit, “5 weeks” was quite a big deal for me.   But what with throwing dolls out of the cot for a week, I forgot to count days or to even check my quit calendar.   Tomorrow, my friends, (or Monday, whatever) I reach the magical 5 week mark!  So, to quote Chuck:  ONWARD TO FREEDOM!

 

18 days to surgery now.  Spent yesterday in radiology for my “photo shoot”.   MAN, those women can be rough!  Then spent a little while filling 5 tubes with my blood.  Next Wednesday is the appointment with physician, that god-awful blow test (hate them but maybe smoke-free will make it easier?), the stress tests and many others I don’t remember and the long serious talk.  Then only 2 weeks to admission.

 

I WILL NOT LOSE MY SENSE OF HUMOUR

.

I’m reading the last of your interesting blogs/discussions tomorrow – I get so caught up in them, I’m not doing my other reading (eg. still only half-way with Alan Carr’s book!)  I want to arm myself to be ready for staying smoke-free when I get home from hospital and I’d better make a start as NML is staring me in the face, I believe?

Will check in with you before checking into hospital.

Bree xoxoxoxoxox