BonnieBee.quit.2.8.15

Proud of my days 776 of them  and I love Ex !!!

Blog Post created by BonnieBee.quit.2.8.15 on Mar 25, 2017

 I just read Youngatheart.7.4.12 Nancy's smokemare blog  and I had one last night too !

 I was in my kitchen and my Dad was visiting ( RIP DAD ) my room mates pack of cigarettes were on the counter I took a cigarette and lit it up (  now understand all of this was done unconsciously out of habit ) I was not even aware of what I had done until I was about to take the second puff then It hit me I was so upset I could not believe I had done it all unconsciously and Now I had to go back to Day one on my Ex - Community counter !!!  This set off another problem should I even go back if it meant losing 775 days of freedom ! I was in a dilemma because I felt I had not done it intentionally and had no enjoyment in the 2 puffs and no desire to continue to smoke . I felt so torn I had to be honest if I chose to come back and thus return to day 1 or leave the group I have come to love so much if I wanted to keep my days .....The dream ended before having decided what to do ! 

    I did not even remember the dream until this morning when  I was standing at the counter in my kitchen in the same spot where I picked up the cigarette in my dream ! I had such a rush of relief when I remembered and realized it was Just a bad dream !!! 

     I know I dreamed this because so often newbies get upset when they have to go back to day one .... I never want to have to do that...... no not ever !

    In reality I would have chosen honesty and returning to Ex even if I had to go back to day One But boy I am just so glad I do not have to make that decision ! My quit is so very important to me and yes I guess I am very proud of the days I have of freedom  ! Today 776 ! 

  to ll of those who never want to go back just say NOPE and you will never have to make that decision !

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