Tonight

[Bonnie]

I'm tired, emotionally exhausted, drained, not enough sleep, etc....It has been a very challenging week so far--younger daughter having surgery, me taking care of the three grandkids while both daughters head to S.F. to get it done, managing these 5 relationships that are complicated and interactive and so fulfilling and challenging at the same time, while I could really use a vacation (HUH? what's that?--my last (unpaid) planned vacation from work was taken up by a case of shingles, and this week off is not a FUN thing, but a good thing) yadda yadda yadda...and it's all good...we all love each other and got through it--but "Nonnie"  (that's me), is the most tired one.  Thank GOD my older daughter is a natural mother and is doing the driving that needs to be done, but she's a bit bossy at the same time and needs to be in control, so I just let her....at least she's talking to me these days (LOL!).

So..relationships:   Good.  This is very important to me.

       little garden:    Good.  I have 5 baby zucchini!  And some new Japanese eggplant!  

       health:  Very good, but... My knee doesn't hurt because I haven't worked this week .  It hasn't hurt since I started this job over a year ago, but with the "takeover" (Barnes and Noble was sold to a hedge fund and it hasn't been a positive thing for the low man on the totem pole--me: the cashier) I am being run ragged. My days are numbered at Barnes and Noble, but that's another post that I probably will never publish because it's so negative and I don't think anyone can possibly understand unless they worked at my shop.  As a cashier.  The #1 salesperson/cashier quit last week.  I had already decided I wasn't going to make it through the holidays before she left.  'Nuff said

       finances:   Bills paid this month and plan in place for the near future.

       attitude:  Positive and holding. So grateful my daughter's surgery went well.

       creativity:  Bursting at the seams.  Lots of ideas...a sign that I'm headed in the right direction--whatever THAT is!

       spiritual life:  in touch

       home:  getting so organized it's kinda scary.  Procrastination no longer is an option...YIKES!  The "to do" lists (I have them all over the place) are getting checked off!

So...just in the course of writing this, the urge/thought/compulsion/whatever has passed, but....I wanted to smoke....

So dang proud of getting through the morass of emotions I have dealt with this week that I had that thought...how amazingly ironic...after all the "wisdom" I have taken the time to try to share here on EX just yesterday....all I can say is:

LOL!!!!

Just proves that it does get easier, BUT....you can blow your quit in the moment you decide (your addictive brain decides) you have to have a cig....it's totally ridiculous, insane and nuts...really!

Thanks for being here, I have NO desire to do the stupid thing now.

Love you all,

Bonnie

579 Days of Freedom (FREEDOM IS A CHOICE-MAKE THE HEALTHY ONE!)