Blog Post created by Benedina on Apr 11, 2020

It’s amazing to me that I am on day six with no cigarettes or vapes. It was the fear, pure and simple, of what would happen to me if after 45 years of smoking cigarettes and another six of vaping all day every day, if I quit.  I’m crawling out of my skin on day six, but I’m not dead, my arms did not fall off, the world didn’t end, and more than anything else, I haven’t wanted to taze random strangers in parking lots for at least two days.  Why I am so angry at the rest of the world I guess is due to the withdrawal. I AM using Nicorette, 2 mg, ten times a day which is barely taking the edge off, but seems to be working. Next week I will taper down to eight, then week after that to six, etc. This might not be the right approach for others but it’s working for me because I want to be totally nicotine free within two to three months.


With that, I just wanted to log on here while I can and say thank you to everyone here, for who you are, each and every one of you. My internet connection is very haphazard in these parts so it’s difficult to log on whenever the mood or wish strikes me. But I have been reading and reading every chance I get for the last year and a half, not even registering until a while ago when I picked a quit date that of course I didn’t keep. It grew nearer and nearer and I knew all along that I wouldn’t make it on that date. 



Then one day, one gracious, understanding, insightful, and lovely lady here (I apologize, I don’t remember if it was young at heart or another) told me to quit obsessing on a quit date. She said the best quit date for me was the day I quit, pure and simple, and that day for me was SIX DAYS AGO.  I’m still in shock I did it. I’m in even more shock that six days ago I threw EVERYTHING away, and not just in the garbage but to the landfill. I figured there was no way I could ever find all that stuff in a landfill, lol, as I threw everything as far as I could, each item separately, in a different location. (Yes, yes I HAVE gone to the garbage can in the garage before, opened up the protective plastic bag with everything, and fished out my vapes).   I hate it.  I miss the vaping pacifier, I do...I admit it, but so far have not run up to the store to replace the battery and refill cartridges, the back up battery and back up refill cartridges, and the back ups to those back ups (yes it was pretty bad folks). And I fear that I will never feel what people say I will feel....normal and happy without the nicotine. I just have to have faith that it will come eventually during the next months or years. The bottom line for me is that I did it, I quit, it happened, and I am amazed. Who knew? 


My mantra for so long and I’m talking A REALLY long time, was “I have to quit. I have to quit, I have to quit.”  For some reason, after months and months of reading everything the generous, caring people here posted, a light bulb went on and my mantra changed from “I have to quit” to “I GET to quit.”  This is something I GET to do, an opportunity to at least try to do.



So I just want to say thank you.  I know, I know, it’s early yet; I’m a novice to the world of freedom and of healthy lungs. But I have been let out of prison, the prison of having to hide everything, the shame of harming my body, the prison and hassle of making sure I have enough refills, charges for batteries, etc., at all times, and the loss of MONEY! 



I’ll end here by saying what many wiser, smarter, people before me have said to new people here. Stay here ! Engage! Write whatever you want in terms of being scared to quit or the gut wrenching process of quitting for three hours only to shamefully hide your head when you access the stash you saved “just in case.” Stay here....there is nothing but good here and through the universe or faith or karma or whatever propels you to take that first step, it will happen by being here, I give you that promise.  



Stay safe everyone, be kind, share what you have with others who are lacking, whether it be toliet paper, Kit Kat Bars, a kind word through a phone call, a posting here, or prayers.