Share your quitting journey
I have been AWOL--sorry!-- and really missing EX!
My laptop died. It took a while to get a new one and get everything migrated over. But, here it is, and here I am!
I don't do EX on my phone. I just find it too hard to interact on mobile. It's not you, EX; it's me
Still smoke-free! This coming Tuesday will mark 6 weeks for me. Yay!
I had my first smoking dream Saturday night. Very strange. The brain amazes me.
Urges are still persistent, but not powerful. And, truly, I can feel that they aren't really urges. They are just patterns of behavior trying to reassert themselves. If they had an inner dialogue, it'd go like this:
Brain: Great meal. You really nailed that spinach-mushroom frittata. Now let's go outside and smoke.
Me: Right. Great idea. WAIT! I mean, NO! Where's my cold water?!
Brain: Finally got all that done. That was a lotta work! A little bored now, plus you've earned a few minutes to relax. Let's go smoke.
Me. Okay. WAIT! I mean, NO! Ben & Jerry's. Let's go get Ben & Jerry's!!!! WHO WANTS BEN & JERRY'S?!?!
Yeah. So, sometimes I remember to squelch the pattern with something healthy and useful (cold water), and other times desperation drives me to an unhealthy reward (Ben & Jerry's Coconut 7 Layer Bar. Divine.).
But, so far, I have always squelched the pattern.
I still feel I'm at a one-urge-at-at-time place. I don't feel I've conquered this addiction. I still take it day by day. I know I can still mess this up.
Which may be why an EX text made me panic.
I love and appreciate the EX texts. I find them to be timely and helpful. The one I got a few minutes ago said this:
"Nicotine is as addictive as heroin or cocaine. Be proud of overcoming such a powerful addiction!"
When I read it, I just panicked. Woah, I though. Woah. I've always heard that, so it isn't exactly news to me. But, woah.
Inner dialogue went like this:
Whew.
Maybe it was a good reaction to the text. Maybe it was a reminder that it's okay to be proud, but it's also important to remember that this is serious business. It's incredibly hard. So, I need to remember how hard this is. I have to remember not to let my guard down.
Now that I have a laptop again, I am really looking forward to some quality, horizontal couch time this weekend. I can't wait to catch up with what all of you have been up to lately. I miss everyone. I hope all are well!!!
All the best--Dawn
P.S. No EX texts were intended to be criticized during the writing of this blog. I truly do appreciate those texts. I wouldn't change a thing about them, even if this one did shake me up a bit. Keep 'em comin'!
You must be a registered user to add a comment. If you've already registered, sign in. Otherwise, register and sign in.