Day Four-Resist, Resist, Resist

Blog Post created by Bdwallhau on Mar 3, 2018

I had a hard one on day 4 (yesterday). I posted about it in the new quitters group. It was a beautiful, sunny, clear day. I was going to leave work around 3 p.m. to travel an hour away to see my son play in the District Honors Band. It would be my first long drive without smoking.


Originally, my husband was supposed to go with me. But, he had to call a plumber Friday morning to deal with an issue that came up the night before. Around mid-morning, it became clear he'd be with the plumber all day and not able to go with me.  In the next hour, my daughter, who was also going to go, bailed on me for a job interview.


I never smoked around other people--only alone. So, with my husband and daughter unable to join me, and therefore protect me from smoking, suddenly this was my first long drive alone.


As I worked at my desk all morning and early afternoon, I couldn't shake the image of me smoking on the way. Thoughts of opening up the sun roof, turning up the music, getting a fountain drink, and enjoying all of it. It was intense, and I began to understand that I was probably in trouble. I'd repeat my mantras, check in here, but the image and the thoughts returned each time. I visualized stopping at a gas station, buying smokes and a lighter, and telling myself I'd throw them away when I got to the concert.


And then I called my sister. I said, "Please tell me you can play hookie and leave around 3 today."  I didn't say I needed her help, but I didn't need to. I said, "I'd love for you to go watch him play." She agreed.


I'm not sure I'd have made it without her. I'm not ashamed that I wasn't strong enough yet to drive alone. I resisted, resisted, resisted all week, but yesterday I needed help. 


On the way back late last night, as we pulled into town, I said to her, "I'm so glad you got to go with me and hear him play. But, I'm also glad you came because you helped me stay on track, and I was really afraid I wouldn't if I went alone."


And this is the beauty of having a sister who loves you and knows you, because she said, "I knew that was a big part of what was going on, because you normally wouldn't ask me to leave work early. But I'm glad I could help."


I owe day four to my sister. 


I also appreciate the EXers who helped when I posted in the new quitters area.


P.S. My son, the second-chair trumpet, was awesome